i cheated with my ex on the girl i know im truly in love with
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
i met this girl almost 4 months ago now and whilst it hasnt been long i know i am in love with her. i hate that before i met her i was the kind of person that would throw that word around to get what i wanted physically and then develop attachments to girls i knew i never truly wanted. a lot of the time i would stray with other girls because i wanted to find something better. something more fulfilling. when i first met this girl i was with someone else. and when she found out, whilst i knew i wanted to be with her, i was too much of a pussy to dump my then gf and tell her the truth. truth be told i was a serial liar. always lying to gain trust and in a way i think i was why i was never happy. when i finally did get with this girl it started off really hard because not only was she really insecure about how i felt. she wasnt sure about herself because her family was so against us and she had a more wealthy background than me. but i never gave her enough credit. never appreciated the fact that whilst she would moan she never left. then when we finally had sex it was like her first time and it was really emotional. for both of us. for her it was the first time and for me it was the first time with someone i actually loved. however because of my hang ups on her insecurities i was never truly able to let the ex go and stayed in contact with her. just to have someone there if this girl hurt me which i knew that she could by leaving me. and the day after we had sex. i cheated with my ex... she invited me round to hers and whilst i didnt want to go. i knew it was wrong i went, purely to keep this girl as a safety net. after it happened i was so angry with myself and vowed never to let that happen again. although i spoke to her i didnt want anything from her. then me and the gf had a massive fight about me speaking to my ex. i could have told her everything then but i lied. to save my own ass. because i knew i loved her i knew my ex meant nothing. i just wanted security. and so when i felt like it might be the end i tried to ask for my ex back i knew it was stupid even at the time and i felt nothing for the girl. i just wanted to be able to go somewhere. str8 after i regretted it and started to ease off contact with the ex. i just wanted to stop talking to her but i was still too pussy to tell her the truth. as a few days passed and i saw a side of my gf that i hadnt seen wen she started reli fighting for me. before it had always been her pulling away because we were diff and the family. but for the first time i really saw what it meant to her and i knew we i finally felt like me and the gf were where i wanted us to be and it was going amazing. i felt bad for what i did and i knew i should tell her but i couldnt bring myself to destroy what we had. i was so in love and for the first time in my life i felt fulfilled. i knew that i would never do anything like that again and that we could be happy together for a really long time. i made it clear to the world that i was with her and wanted nobody else including my ex who wasnt pleased at all. and a few days later decided to tell my gf everything and it all came crashing down around me. she said it was over and i was devastated. just knowing what id done what id lost. ive been trying to work things out with her. trying to show her what i knew towards the end before she found out. we talk everyday and i know she loves me because not many people would still give me the time of day. i love her so much i think about hes and us and what we could be every day and wish i hadnt been so foolish. given her credit and just talked to her more before i strayed. she doesnt know how she will be able to forgive me. i know ill keep trying to make her see that im not that person anymore. that i would never cheat again. but ive told so many lies already devalued my words in her eyes. the chances seem bleak. but shes says they are there and that is more the enough to make me stay and fight for her. but what can i do. how can i make her see that i can be trusted. sorry for the essay but its a very complicated story. i just really want some advice i love her so much. and now i know the meaning of the word love. i hate that i threw it around so much :(
Sorry this fell apart for you and a wonderful love is in danger.
She says the chances are there for you to continue together. Keep reassuring her that you made a terrible mistake but that you have learned your lesson. And let her know that you had used the word love in the past without realizing what it meant... but now you know.
She sounds like a compassionate girl and she will want to give you another chance if you can convince her you deserve it. Share feelings between the two of you. You will have to use your judgment to determine how much she needs to talk and how much she needs to listen. And there may be times when she is tired of discussing it for a while. This interchange is not easy to figure out, it is a skill that comes with trying to be a caring person. And the road back will be bumpy... expect that.
Main thing is to be loving, caring, and honest.
Best of luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com