How to stop the insecurity stoking
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I have been in a relationship with a guy for 2.5 months. We have very different personalities but enjoy much about each other.
About him - he loves attention - and insists on being able to be the star - and he flirts - not to a sexual point but enough to make sure he is being paid full attention - it varies depending on the audience. He nearly breaks his neck checking out babes. He keeps his photo on facebook and messenger (a very sexy photo in his underwear) even though i said it would be more appropriate to change it so as not to be sending the wrong message since we have now been together for a bit- he said if i was bothered he would block me from seeing his profile - and he does get lots of "Wow you're hot notes". He says I need more confidence and should be able to deal with the attention he gets.
All of this of course upsets me and I am being told - he loves me and I am the best partner he has ever had, but that I have jealousy issues.
On a recent vacation he went swimming naked at 2 am while drunk with a lady 20 years his senior but who was very interested in his stories. - He insists that he didn t take his underwear off and that he would have dismissed her if she had tried to touch him.
During sex he doesnt like to kiss so much and it is decent sex but quite impersonal and he calls it sex never love making.
The part i find the hardest though is his constant mentioning of any gal who finds him sexy, cruises him etc. Last night his horoscope said he is very seductive this week, and so he says - I better check out who I am meeting up with this week. Is this all a game to make me super jealous - I just find it inconsiderate? Is he in or out - seems he just wants everything.
Would you bother?
Sorry you are having these problems in your relationship.
I think most women would feel jealous based on his behavior. Not all, but most meaning 75% as a guess. But at this point it is unlikely that he will make significant changes in how he presents himself and interacts with other women.
So, maybe you can get some compromises out of him but it will be an uphill battle. And, afterall, it is very pleasant for him to be on the receiving end of female attention. If you recall, perhaps that is why you were attracted to him.
Maybe you are not getting the message across strongly enough for him to register it. Or maybe he just doesn't care enough (sorry.) In fact, the most you said about your relationship is that you "enjoy much about each other." That doesn't indicate a powerful feeling on either side.
Regard his love making... again, it is unlikely he will change without some serious and continued advice from you. Only you can determine whether you can be happy with his behavior in bed for what might be a longtime future.
I don't think he is playing games with you... it is just that his nature is, as you say, inconsiderate. It is too soon after 2.5 months to say whether he is in or out.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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avoid the drama