Jealousy And A Future Spouse?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Hello, My name is C*( 20 years old) and engaged. My fiancé and i have been having some very severe issues and i am not sure what i should do about this. He has always been the type to have jealousy issues but because it was never an extreme case, i figured it was something we could always work out. But lately it has felt like my patience is wearing thinner and thinner, and the situations seem to have become harder and harder to deal with. We have been together for almost 3 years and it feels like even though he has all the freedom in the world to do whatever he wants (guys night out and such) it always feels like he wants to have me on a shorter leash. Whenever i go out with my friends (boys and girls) He is always suspecting me of doing things(cheating), and when i try to talk to him about it, his favorite response is " its not that i dont trust you, is that i dont trust them". I have come to hate this response because it feels like he is just running way from his real feelings and putting it on this ridiculous excuse. He never admits to his jealousy and insecurity and instead calls me paranoid for always think that he is. Thus, making it harder for me to confront him about this or even come to a solution. He doesn't like that i have guy friends, and always ends up yelling at me for hanging out or talking to them. The only reason this bothers me so much is because i have total trust in him and have never suspected of him, or anything of the like. We are planning to get married soon, but im not so sure any more, what should i do?
Don't make any more plans to get married until you get this resolved. Tell him that his attitude and behavior are unacceptable now and are impossible in a married relationship.
A good relationship (and marriage) is based on mutual trust and understanding. He fails in both of these categories.
You will have to work with him, as you have been doing, but it is up to him to solve his own problem. The most important thing is to have respectful conversations about whatever troubles you. Right now it is jealousy, but as time goes on you will have to deal with differences over every subject possible.
Don't let this fester. Get it over with and forget marriage if you two can't solve this major problem.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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Do NOT GET MARRIED YET