Fear of intimacy or just plain common sense?
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
My situation is rather complicated. I´m in a two year contract in my job, after which I have got good prospects of developing a good career in my country of origin. Just a few months ago I met a man who I´m currently dating. He is adamant that he loves me and for some reason it sounds true to me.
Since the very beginning the relationship developed very fast, and he began to speak about having children together, which scared me a little bit. Also, after the first five or six times we had sex he refused to keep wearing condoms, to the point that we have not had intercourse at all in the last six weeks.
I have been educated in safe sex, and I do insist on it specially since he contracted genital herpes a few years ago. I do think that part of the problem is culture and education, I,m a liberal woman very invested in her career who now in her middle thirties does not discard the idea of getting settled and having a family. My boyfriend is very anxious about getting married, but his financial situation is not very good right now and his insistence of not using condoms is tearing us apart. I think the traditional culture he comes from has something to do with it. He however insists that my reluctance to make love without comdoms has to do with my fear of intimacy, which at some point might be true. He also insists that I do no respect his knowledge he is a pharmacists and says based on some aricle that the risk of transmission when there is no outbreak is very low. But my Ob Gyn says otherwise.
Is just fear of intimacy or something else?
Don't listen to your boyfriend. He is playing mind games with you. He is trying to pressure you and doesn't care if you get a disease which will follow you the rest of your life in case you don't get married to him. It sounds like he is rushing the whole subject and being selfish.
You are using common sense!
Good luck. George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com