hurt, lost, confused, angry, depressed, disillusioned

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
College has started, but getting closer to the girl of my dreams has been much harder than I thought. When I saw her for the first several times in person, I was dying to walk up to her and introduce myself to her, but she was always surrounded by female friends, and there was no way I could approach her. When I finally summoned the courage to talk to her, she didn't seem very happy, because I had cut into a conversation she was having with another girl. For a while, I noticed she was always with another girl and was never alone, and I got the idea she didn't want to make male friends or get asked out, but I discovered that wasn't true. Now, whenever we meet, she gives me a smile, but I suddenly always get nervous and awkward around her, because I'm afraid of acting stupid in front of her. I used to think talking to her would be easy, but it hasn't been so simple.

I feel that she got somewhat annoyed with me constantly talking to her via FB, and sees me as something of a stalker. Over time, I think she's gotten friendlier to me, but when I asked her for her cell phone number, she declined and made up an excuse, saying she had to run to class. I felt awful about that. I've decided it's improtant to slowly become friends with her and make her feel more comfortable around me, and I'm thinking hard about what activities I could ask her to. I've considered asking her to study together, go to movies or concerts, or other stuff, but I'm afraid to ask her out or for her phone number again. What also worries me is that some other guy will ask her out before I do and that she will accept. One guy in particular, who unfortunately is a friend of mine, has many more classes together with her (they're in a special academic program together), and he is much better at being funnier and making her laugh. I have to think much harder to say and do funny things. He thus has advantages over me, and I'm starting to get jealous whenever I see her together with him or with other guys (I get jealous easily, whether it's romance or anything else, but that's another issue). I'm debating either asking her out and telling her how I really feel very soon, or trying to forget about her and not be in love with her anymore (this is unlikely, since I still think of her a lot and my heart skips and my stomach flips whenever I see her), or wait until I'm more familiar with her and then tell her I'm in love with her. What should I do? Thanks. Advice
I think you've had your shot at this girl and it hasn't worked out.

This is true of the majority of situations where the guy falls for a girl and makes his best effort. College is where you try out new things. If it doesn't work out, whatever it is... girls or elsewise, you move on and try something new. It is more difficult to do this when you are older.

So, take advantage of this chance to experiment. There are hundreds of girls who would like to get to know you better. They are just like you too. They are looking for someone to be close to and share affection. It is a waste of time for anyone to get stuck on somebody who is clearly not interested. You will end up feeling hurt and move on eventually. Why not just decide to move on and have the good feeling of meeting other girls.

Of course, this isn't the way you want it to work out, but you have to face facts.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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