Friendship or more?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Ive met this guy ''Q'' a year ago in university. He's a very good looking guy but also very reserved and shy.
In the beginning of the year - the teachers asked us to make teams of 4 for all the same 7 classes we had (special program)
Two girls had asked me to join and I said Id find a 4th. At the break - I went up to him and asked him and he said yes and we presented ourselves.
I remember the 1st time I saw him I thought to myself - this is the hottest guy in class. Im 26 he's 24. The intense program began and we got closer through school from september to december. Im always late and everytime Id walk in he'd look at me and smile.
We started helping each other out with homework and notes and mainly called for homework reasons and added each other on msn and facebook. I quickly realised he was a good guy, kind hearted and helpful. He'd carry my books at times and wait for me after class and once I had my car stuck in the snow and he took it out of it and removed the snow and I told him jockingly that he was my hero. AT some point, he got me a coffee mug cause he knows Im a coffee addict and gave it to me during the break which I though was pretty cute and he said its a little something to tell u thank u for not being competitive and helping me out (cuz people compete for the best grades)
When the 1st semester ended - we had a school party to which I saw him dance with another girl (and they kissed) and I was bummed but figured - he's a good looking guy and we're friends so...thats it.
The next day we were meeting up me and him only (to do a homework) and it was close to Xmas so he asked me to come over which I did and I brought a basket for the whole family (as a xmas gift)
I asked him about the night before and he said nothing happend (smiling shyly away) so I dropped it. I was hurt but figured wtv and danced with another guy too.
Then we had to work on an internship from december to march and he told me I want to invite u for supper to thank u for all ur school help to which I agreed - we went out talked and he paid the dinner.
In April school restarted and he finally admitted he and that girl had kissed cuz he had drank a little too much and she made a move on him. He also admitted another girl from class jumped him too and kissed him in the same night. I was like WOW lol and all the girls really do have a thing for him.
From April to end of June - we were always together and we'd study only the 2 of us together. Some people starting asking me if he was my bf and Ide say no - we're just friends. He'd take his breaks with me and sometimes Id leave b4 so he would think Im too clingy.
My bday came in June and after class - to my surprise - he bought me chocolate with a card saying : dont ever loose your smile sweety and some guys saw him giving it to me giving him a pad on his shoulder. Im sorta always late and kinda seen as the ''spoiled blond'' who is stuck in a very intense finance program lol I was very touched and thought it was cute.
In the end of June, the program ended but he failed 2 classes. He was very distraught and I had passed all of them with A. I told him to not give up and do the re-do exam for a pass and Id help him if he wanted.
He called and told me Ill take you up on it - would u come over? I did and met his whole family (mom - dad - sister and brothers) and they all love me so much. He passed with flying colors and told me I would of never done it witout you and I said you just needed a push.
We have a big exam coming up in 2-3 weeks and since then we've been studying all summer together and I see him 4-5 times a week. My crush has become more cuz the more I spend time with him the more I realise what a great guy he is with great traditionnal values. We've grown very close. One night I told him I was going out to find my friend a guy and if you were free I would of asked you to come guy hunting with us for her - and he called me and said I have a bbq with some guys friends - wanna come over? I went with a friend for a quick 30 minutes before going out clubbing and I looked great and he complimented me. I met his friends also. They had had a few beers and at some point my friend goes Jenny is the best and he replies: she's a rare pearl and if it wasnt for her I dont know how I would of survived this program - ask my paretns they all saw how I was down and she didnt give up on me and I just replied: U just needed a push - I did nada :)
Last week I had a bbq to which he came with his friend and he met my friends and all week he was stressed that my friends wouldnt like him which I said its absurd. He even cancelled concert tickets to come to my bbq. The next day he msgs me: me and my friend had a great time - thank you everything was perfect - and then an hour later wrote me : Love you - have a great day xoxo
This was the 1st time he ever wrote me Love you...he called me sweety before but that was it...
The thing is I dont know if he does like me or not or if our friendship goes over a ''study partnership''. He has never been in a long term relationship and tells me Im doomed to be single as a joke. He has girls msging him always and 2 weeks ago I found out he was on a date (from hearing him overtalk to his friend) to which he replied he wasnt interested in her - but knew she liked him - so figured why not - lets give her a chance. And shes pretty tall and petite and he's like naw. When I told him well you can stay friends he told me no you cant - cuz you cant be friends with someone who wants more....which scares me cuz if he finds out I like him and its not mutual - hed stop being my friend.
He doesnt have close girl friends and he told me its so nice to have someone who thinks on the same level as me and I dont have girl friends like you. He met my guy best friend and asked me if anything happend between us and I said no - never - he's just my friend and he asked me why and how come - and I said I dont know thats just how it is
Yesterday he was joking and I told him about a funny awkward story when Alex and his gf came and he told well Im never gonna come with my gf then and started laughign so I laughed back but didnt say nada. Then at some point, some girl message him on msn and he's like oh noooo!!! Im like what what? Hes like shes annoying to which I laugh and Im like its a friendly msg - he's like Jenny - Im not nice to all girls you know - and Im like so I feel so special and he's like you should...!
And at some point we were watching TV yesterday and Im like I so want to go see that show and he's like Ill take you...
So its weird - he has girl friends (PLENTY) but not as close as he is to me - he constantly goes through my phone.
2 weeks ago I had asked him if he had plans and wanted to go for supper to which he turned me down (I was with him all day) so I said okay and the next day I told him I went with my friend and he's like who - im like this guy - and he's like who? - Im like this guy friend of mine - and hes like well whats his name? and im like Bob - and hes like oh ya do i know him? Im like no - and then he goes - did he pay for u? and im like yes...and he was like ah ya...
Is that jalousy or curiosity? Yesterday we were having supper at my house and I set the table and the food and he goes: wow you really treat me like a prince - im like well as long as ur comfortable my house is ur house so we can study well
Im really confused - sorry I know its super long
I just dont know if he likes me more than a friend - he shows me pics at times of girls but he tells me Im not interested in any of them (does that include me?)
Hes very protective and traditionnal and hates easy girls (it turns him off!) - he also told me after finding out about my ex that explains y ur so reserved and he knows im not the sleeping around type.
I dont want to tell him how I feel cuz 2-3 weeks ago he told me that : ''My dad always told me if you like her then you should show her - and all the girl wants is to know shes special'' and I said ya thats true - but what if the girl doesnt like you back? He's like ''why wouldnt see? why not me and someone else -'' IM like it never happend? He's like no - not really and laughed -
So I definately dont want to tell him anything especially that he is so traditionnal and beleives the man is the lead in a relationship. He also goes to church pretty often so I know he's pretty traditionnal and he doesnt sleep around - he told me if I sleep with a girl or date her its cuz there something more - and I dont want to be an ass and sleep with her and leave her -
but sometimes girl jump you and you're in need of the affection but at least i stop it before the whole sleeping part cuz i dont like hurting girls if i know im not into her and she is.
What do I dooooooooooooooo
Please dont tell me to tell him how I feel
I want to kiss him so badly but without it being ''prepared'' but just happen and Im so so so so scared that after the last exam Ill never see him
I spent all summer with him and every morning he calls me to wake me up and tell me so are we meeting up - do i come do u come.........................
Ive fallen hard for him...
But no matter what Ill never tell him......
You are in a very difficult situation and you refuse to do the one thing that you know you have to do. You have to find a way to let him know how you feel but without letting on how much. The problem is that he has pretty much let you know that he is not serious about you except as a very good friend.
Here is a question you should face. Is there any possibility that he is gay? Don't think it is impossible. Many guys can't face up to the fact and end up acting "different" with women. From what you have stated, he is acting unlike other guys and if you can only see that he is nice and sweet, then you might be covering up the other possibility.
Of course, you would have perhaps an impossible task to come to the conclusion that he is gay because 1) if he is, he may have buried it so deep that he might not know himself and 2) you are probably unwilling to face that possibility.
This not a happy answer, I'm sure. Perhaps you should just wait until classes are over and see if he continues contacting you. If he doesn't then it doesn't really matter too much what he is or isn't.
Sorry you are in this situation. Best wishes for you. George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com