my best boy friend

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I had a crush on this guy(say x) who liked my he n i jus stayed frnds while i started dating some1 else. my frnd meanwhile just led him on and dint really care abt him n soon he realized n broke all contact wid her. i strted having trouble in my relationship and i started sharing it with him(x). and we got really close. but my bf got jealous n told me to stop seeing him. n i realized i was still in love wid him(x) n so was he so i broke up wid my bf n started going out wid him.
initially i wanted to keep this relnship a secret cuz i dint want to hurt my ex but aftr 6-7 months i was cool wid going public while he(x) insisted we keep it a secret cuz he said it was comfortable(n various oder reasons which sounded lame to me) and not only did he not make it public he went out of his way to deny it. he started hanging out wid nother 1 of my frnds n he wud put her pic on orkut and his cellphone n stuff saying tht if ppl think theyre going out they wouldnt suspect us and i totally couldnt understand y he was doing tht.
i kno there was nothing between them for sure...but i couldnt understand his behavior. later he n my frnd fought abt something n stopped talking. we've been together fr 1 yr 3 months but gradually i feel he's started paying lesser and lesser attention to me(cuz he wants to focus on his career. Also he never wants to discuss the future...n gets impatient n quickly wants to change the subject...and sometimes comes up wid diff diff reasons for this behavior(like not sure wht my parents wud say or its too far off) and once accidently said that 'he doesnt see me as his life partner yet' but later said thats not wht he meant. i've strted feeling very insecure. i keep getting the thought tht i wasnt his first choice n get really mad when he talks abt other girls. and he keeps saying he like tall girls etc(basically evrything i am not).
he is really great lot of times...n usually quite dependable but we fight too much nowdays. and he is really serious abt his career n stuff so i feel lonely a lot and all these negative jealous thoughts take over n then i pick up fights wid him.
n we're going thru a really rough patch...n recently to make things worse he patched up wid dat frnd of mine(the one who he used to pretend was his gf) and they keep texting each oder. and nowdays he wants to include her in evry plan...basically all our plans include her now...n i jus cant stand it...i tried to talk wid him n he says she's like a sister but he doesnt understand that i already feel we're too distant nowadays n this will jus make things worse...the past keeps running in my head(when he liked my frnd,hid our relnship(which he still hasnt admitted)) i cant control my jealousy n he says i should work on my insecurity(and makes me feel like a nutcase)and jus isnt ready to understand tht any1 would feel jealous in my position considering we're jus drifting apart n we don talk abt our issues n they jus keep bottling up. recently he was mad at me n he spent the whole day wid her...instead of trying to make up wid me n acted all obnoxious abt it. aftr he big fight he said okay i'll stop talking wid her but u work on your issues...but he doesnt understand tht the whole hiding relnship thing,pretending some1 else was his gf and refusing to talk abt the future and constantly talking abt other girls and also not paying me enuf attention wud get ANYONE JEALOUS!
pls tel me if its normal for me to feel this way or if there's something wrong wid me Advice
I don't think there is anything wrong with you. It is perfectly normal for you to feel jealous under the conditions you are describing.

Show him this message (the one that you wrote...and my answer too if you like.)
You made it very clear why you are jealous and if he refuses to understand then he is like an ostrich with his head in the sand.

Don't let things go on as they are. It isn't good for either of you.

Sorry you are in this situation.

Good luck! George
p.s. consider talking to her too.

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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