I don't trust his ex!
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My situation is this: I been talking to this guy for 6 months already. Before me even giving my number and even started talking I asked if he had a girl or kids. His answer was no. Fine. He told me he communicated with his ex girl once in a while because he was attached to her daughter. Which he's known since she was 3 years old ( now she's going on 10-11 years old) when he started with her mom. Their relationship supposely lasted 5-6 years and it was a miserable one ( according to him ). They been broken up for over a year. My jealusy comes from me finding out on my own she was constantly calling. I found out because one time I had his phone in my hand and the call came in. He explained then the situation but when I felt it was too late. Because my mind is already doubting. Why he couldn't tell me they where that close?? If he don't got felings for her? Why he picks up infront of my face and if she asks if his busy he'll say no?? All this makes me feel crappy. I feel like he's using the excuse of the daughter. Because he tells me is for the daughter but I see the mother calling more than the daughter. I don't even think he talks to the girl so often as he does with the mother. And I know because I check his phone and I see her calls almost everyday. He tells me shes a mother who's always out and have her daughter mostly on babysitter and that's where the daughter calls from. And it's crap because I constantly see the exs number. He picked the daughter up one time, I so happens to call and be talking to him when I hear a kids voice singing in the background. I asked who was that he says " oh I'm with my boy " I quoted "oh because I just heard someone singing". He tells me " oh that was a kid singing". Hiding the fact he was with his ex daughter. I found out when an arguement broked off that I told him he be hiding things and mentioned that situation. He told me then. It's like playing guess who with him. I like him so much I'll hate to let go but it's a situation I can't get off my mind. I addressed it to him I'm bothered by her calling and I get " well I have to find a right way to let her go with everyone being happy" like how can he be more concern about her feelings than what he's making me feel. He tells me he don't dwell on the past if it didn't work it didn't work out and he didn't had feelings for her two years within them braking up. If all he tells me is true why he's hiding the fact that he's ex girl is still in the picture daily? He tells me he wants me, but I can't take the fact out my mind she calls. And it's constantly bringing arguements because I'll blow up for no reason, for ex. when he knows I'm going to call him at one time and he won't pick up. Just because my thoughts are there, did he went to go see her today is that's why he haven't called me?? Did he went and picked up the girl today and didn't tell me. Did she called today at all?? I think all this, which I think I shouldn't because he's always with me. But I feel like he still might have feelings for her and can't admitted it because he don't want to hurt me. Being with her is impossible but having her around isn't. I don't know if too believe what he tells me because I've been told this before in my previous relationship and it came down to them still messing around. He's different than what I ever delt with but not so different in hiding communications with exs. He does not come off as an unfaithful person but I just dont understand why he keeps it from me. He says I'm too jealous that I have nothing to worry about, but his hiding and snickyness make me think otherwise. Am I being too jealous??
Your jealousy is causing a lot of trouble. You blow up for small reasons (if you think of the big picture.)
He won't tell you the truth because it then becomes a warzone with you. Put yourself in his place and ask how you would behave differently than he does. Be honest and then tell him how you would react if you were in his shoes.
None of this is easy, but you are not the only one in this situation. I hear about it all the time.
Think about ways you can improve the situation like if you were to be very nice to the other "side." By being so jealous, you may drive him into her arms.
Sorry you are in this situation. Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com