Is our relationship really over?
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
He said it was serendipitous. We met on a friday, went on a date the following wednesday, then went out again that following friday. He was cool, great chemistry, we hit it off immediately, and spent every weeked together and just about everyday together after that. He introduced me to all of his closest friends, told all of his family about me (They live outside of the US - I've spoken to his brother and sister). Although deep down inside I knew we were moving too fast, but we were having a good time and I enjoyed it! He met my son after a month of dating and spent 75% of his time in my home. I thought we were being responsible by discussing what we did before we did it. We both agreed that we belonged together and we wanted to be together and that we would make it work.
He even told me about his ex-fiance that wont move out of his house and proved to me that the relationship was over. He showed me court papers, took me to the house to show me that shes packed, all his friends and family hate her (I've heard the conversations). However because of his past financial status (once very wealthy, but lost most of it and ex fiance trying to get the rest) and Immigration stauts(he has a green card but its about to expire because he's not working) he's been under lots of stress. He drinks a lot and told me that he was depressed and dealing with money issues. The ex is taking him to court, he has to meet with Immigration, etc.
Well one week ago he said he went to a therapist and realized that he "thought" he was ready for a long term relatonship. He said that we moved too fast and he has other things to take care of in his life. He also claims that he wants to be financially stable to take care of me and my son (he also said he thought he could do that). He claims no romance without finance. He also doesn't want to jump into a relationship after getting out of a really bad relationship. I was devastated, my world crumbled. I cried, screamed, hung up the phone, called him names, I embarrased myself. He made so many plans for us.
He said that he would still like to date every once in a while, but not spend too much time at my house. He said he needs time, but we shouldn't date other people.
He hasnt called me in 5 days, some days he doesn't even text me. I call him- he doesn't answer or return my texts.
I know I typed a lot but I felt you needed some background. Please help me.
Should I stick it out or just give up? Now I am angry and I feel liked he tricked me and lied to me. What should I do?
I suggest you stick it out for a month or two Don't make any decisions based on one week of behavior. He is under a lot of stress and that could change easily within a month.
If he comes back to you, play it carefully because he could do it again. Again, talk things through thoroughly so there are a minimum of surprises.
Since he wants to date every once in a while, take advantage of those times to see what is going on in his life and where that leaves you.
Who knows, maybe he is tricking you and lying to you so he can marry you (solving his green card problem) and move in with you (helping his financial problems.) So go in with eyes wide open.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com