So confused.... am I over reacting?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I've been with this guy for over a year ( my longest relationship and his second relationship ever, so we're still learning from eachother). From the first 2 months of being together I realized that he was not a very touchy, emotional type of person (due to family issues, imho) but I accepted that because we are perfect in every other way. Since we started dating, we have been inseparable and I spend the night at his house regularly and on his days off we usually hang out. We do almost everything together.
But there is a problem. He has the emotional range of a brick and I'm not saying this is a light-hearted way. He has NEVER complimented me on the way I look, has never come out and told me he misses me or that he likes me or anything (or that he hates me or that I annoy him, for that matter. NOTHING!!). To find these things out I have to ask him and he's still reluctant to speak about it and becomes uncomfortable, making me feel uncomfortable for asking (He says everything is fine between us, by the way. He's happy, supposedly). I feel (insecure) like he doesn't want me even though we have a great sex life and we're on really good terms if we don't talk about feelings (lol). I've been patient but it's been over a year and I'm starting to get worried because he hasn't told me he loves me (I mentioned love, but have not told him directly that I love him) or anything even close to that. I don't know what to do and I'm getting frustrated with him and I feel like he's slowly loosing me because of this. I want to solve this, it's tearing me apart. What should I do?
Tell him straight out that there is a problem. After discussing it (and getting nowhere), tell him you want to go to a counselor with him and get some therapy because you are losing your feelings for him.
Perhaps the three of you could develop a checklist of things he must say to you at least once a week until he starts feeling comfortable. He could start off by saying "you look nice today," "that's a nice dress," "I like it when you do that," "I love you." Naturally it would take time for these things to be said with sincerity.
You might help him by telling him nice things about him, including "I love you."
He probably isn't used to hearing compliments.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com