confusion or is it clear?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I was with a woman for nearly 4 years. About 2 months ago, she started pulling away from the relationship, and started to see a new guy, whom she claimed was a friend, who helped her/talked to her that wasn't me. As time went on, she started to spend increasing amounts of time with him. As a result I started putting more pressure on her about what was going on, and she pulled away even more, and lying about the situation, and of course I found out. One night about 3 weeks after it started, I found that she was lying about the situation, and so I went to her house and unloaded, and broke up with her, while he was still there. I couldn't get her alone.

Weeks went on, and I started to get remorse for breaking up, and so I tried to contact her and call her and try to see her. She was okay with it at first, but soon decided she wanted space. That went on for weeks, and then one night our friend and I saw her at a restaurant, and so I decided to stop and say hi to her. As soon as she saw me, she ran out the back door. I was crushed. A few days later she sent me an email, saying she was worried about me. I asked why, and we started contacting each other every day. She told me that I was a deeply special person to her, that she wishes it didn't end this way, she really wants to be great friends with hopes for a future again, and that she isn't dating anyone, she said that several times. We actually started going to each other's houses for awhile but nothing more than a few minutes to talk, and she even brought me a dinner one night, but she refuses to go with me anywhere.

She was going to be gone for a few weeks to go see family, and told me she was going to take a nap and then leave. I went to her house to leave a note saying goodbye and I hope you have a good trip. The other man was there. I waited another 3 hours, and went back. He was still there. So I went on with my business, and about 30 minutes after I left the last time, she called me and we talked about everything for about 2.5 hours, and then messaged each other for at least 3 more hours.

I'm seriously confused. She claims that she is not dating anyone, that the man wants to date her, but she is not interested, and that he just comes over to talk everyday. She said she loves me, and deeply cares for me, and wants to see where the future goes, but really doesn't know what she wants.

Is she leading me on? What should I do? I love her very much, and always have wanted to be with her. I don't mind a break.

Yesterday Advice
She said she loves you. Well then ask her out for dinner and see if she loves you enough to go out with you. It can't be love if she won't go out to dinner with you which would then mean she is leading you on.

It's better for both of you to know where you stand. Give it a try.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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