Is this normal?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Hello, I have a few questions about my current relationship.
To start... it's all online. I met this girl about seven months ago and she's a good friend. I have been with her for about 3 months now. I am her first boyfriend and she went through alot of trouble to get with me. When I first met her it was in one of those online mmo games. I was dating another person at the time. I thought she was a man when I first met her. She played a female character but she wanted everyone to know that she was male. I also suspected she was covering though. So did a few of my friends. It didn't take long for her to move from acquaintance to friend. She was on my msn and would talk to me every chance she got. Always happy to see me, asking how I was, and wanting to play something. I eventually broke up with my gf and started dating another girl. The nice girl (Ill call her Flame), would still want to spend time with me even if I was with my new gf. She would always be checking on me. Anyways, the new gf turned out to be a total witch. She was very controlling and didn't let me spend time with my friends. A little before I started to see her dark side (The Witch), Flame confessed to me that she was actually a girl. She had been acting strange and unhappy before. I told her that was ok and that I wouldn't tell anyone else. She seemed pleased with that but something was still bothering her. She later told to me her true feelings. I had to reject her and I did this multiple times. She didn't want to give up even after I told her she might have to wait forever. She said "Then I'll wait forever" The new gf just got more evil with time. She played lots of love games was totally attention hungry ("She doesn't know what true love is", Flame would later tell me). She wanted to talk 24/7 and wasn't really interested in anything but herself. In contrast, Flame was very understanding and patient. She would always give me things in game and was generally polite and very happy to see me when she could. Well, I finally got the message. I broke off from the witch. Turns out she (Flame) and I had so much more in common. I might even say Flame is like a female version of me. The relationship was, of course, great at first. Full of life and excitement. It was easy to make her laugh and just be happy. But, inevitably, after about two months this started to die out. Before, she would stay up till midnight (she lives in Germany) just so she could spend time with me. She would always ask when I would be coming home. She even told me that she didn't get enough time with me. She would even go so far as to skip school to have more time with me. If we had time we would talk online for most of the day. Well, I ended up with alot more time on my hands. We would talk almost all day, every day. I didn't like her staying up so late to see me. I tried to discourage it, but I didn't want to tell her what to do. She eventually stopped on her own anyway. Stopped initiating conversations where before she would always do so. We still talk right now. Every day, but not nearly as much as we used to. We don't really play games anymore. If we do she tends to ditch out for some reason or another. She doesn't do much talking unless I do. Sometimes she will pop in to give me a -chu- (kiss) or something. She says goodnight and "i love you" everyday but not much else. I do give her alot of attention. I try to talk at least once every day. Perhaps I give her too much. She told me a few days ago, right out of the blue, that she never ever wants to lose me and I told her the same. Afterward, she brought up how we met and all the trials we went through before we finally got together. "Do you remember the stairs in Dunbarton? x3" But things are not quite the same. She seems more sedate. Not really distant but not sparky like before. I know she's busy too. Studying for exams (which she seems to do alot...). I dont know how the German school system works there, but school seems to keep her busy alot and I understand if she has less time and if that might be stressing her out some. I have asked her if anything's been bothering her lately. She tends to get headaches alot and I remember she would get them before we were dating. They seemed to trigger when she was under alot of stress, especially when I rejected her...
Guilli :3 said:
seems like Flamesy gets headaches when things are
is school stressing you?
or Guilli could be completely wrong, but he thought he'd ask just in case ^^
idk why i got headaches
well, ill go sleep
good night, -chuuu- love you
Guilli :3 said:
love u 2 good night and sleepwell
Im sorry for all this information. I just wanted to lead up to my questions. First, is this normal for a relationship? Is she losing interest because Im less of a challenge? Is the relationship just falling apart? Am I too clingy and should I stay offline more?
I love her very much and I trust her alot. She knows I do and knows I care for her alot. I know we're very far apart, but I can honestly say I feel something special about her. I feel we can have a mature relationship that continues to grow. She's just very different from any other girl I've met and she's probably one of the most mature people I know. I really dont want our relationship to fade.
Am I paranoid or is my mind telling me something's very wrong? :p
P.S. I've seen the pictures. She is a girl and a very lovely one at that :3
She is stressed by her schoolwork and is now realizing that all the time she spent talking with you might hurt her grades. Now that it is exam time you should not expect more than a quick hello/goodbye.
Just so she doesn't get upset, tell her what you are planning on doing and ask her how much talking she would be comfortable with.
I suspect that when her summer comes she will be her chatty old self again.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com