Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I recently got out of a 2 year relationship. It was a horrible 2 years. Through the 2 years I had an ex who would always call and remind me how much he loved me and missed me. This was in between break ups and during his 3 year relationship. Now that we are both single things have started up between us. We never quit loving each other. We have been seeing each other on the weekends. This past weekend I went to the beach with him and a group of our friends. After the bar I looked in his phone to find out why he had been on it so much, when everyone he talks to was with us. I found text messages to a girl he met in Las Vegas who lives in Chicago. The trip was before I started hanging out with my ex again, and they had been keeping in touch through phone since meeting in Vegas. I brought the issue to his attention and explained how betrayed i felt that i was with him and he had been talking to her while there with me. Messages were like "i miss you" "can't wait to see you" etc. Of course he was mad that i looked in his phone but in the mist of the situation we were both crying and very hurt. I found out that she had booked a flight to come visit him at the end of this month, and he had booked one for August to Chicago. Both of these trips were planned and booked before i came into his life again and before things got serious between us again. Needless to say i left the very next morning and went home. He left 2 hours after me and showed up at my house. Explaining how he will cancel his trip in August and how he wants me and only me that he has wanted me for 2 years. Only problem she is still coming this month to visit him and her bother who lives on a local military base. I told him i did not want her staying at his house that i thought she should get a hotel that i did not think it would be right for her to sleep in the same bed with him. He doesn't know how to handle the situation and i understand it is a hard one. But i also do not know how to handle the situation. We are not boyfriend and girlfriend, but we are not seeing others. I know how i think he should handle the situation but i am waiting to see how he chooses to handle it that way i will know if i should stay or walk away. I was very happy that he came after me and drove to my house to prove that he did not want me walking out of his life again. However, i do not know how to handle this situation, he says he has no feelings for the Chicago girl and perhaps he had them before i came back into his life. Basically, how should i view this situation, how should i act and what should i say. Thanks for your time and help.
It seems you have done the right things so far.
He should tell the Chicago girl that she is out of his life now because he has found another girl (you.) She can spend her visit with her brother and they can have a fine time.
In no case should she sleep in his bed. That is unacceptable. As you said, you may be willing for him to see her if she stays in a hotel since the plans were already made. But that is your choice.
If you let him make his choice despite your disapproval then you are well advised to walk away if his choice shows poor judgement and lack of respect for you.
Hope things work out! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com