Best Friend and I Fell In Love, But He Fell Out and Found Someone... Now What?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I have known this guy for a couple of years, but we just started getting close about nine months ago. We started hanging out all of the time and became good friends, and eventually he told me he was in love with me. I was shocked but immensely happy because I had liked him too. Then I fell head over heels for him. I lost my virginity to him. We continued to be lovers, but no one else ever knew we were more than friends because he is my friends ex (you can't help who you fall in love with). We never actually dated because he said that he "never wanted to lose me if the break up was bad".
About a month and a half ago, he told me that he had lost feelings for me. It broke my heart because I never lost those feelings for him. They only grew stonger. He was my best friend, and my lover.
For the past little while, we have remained best friends but he's been making out with other girls at parties, even though he knows how much it hurts me. He said he needs to live his life. But then he says he might still have feelings for me.
This past weekend he blew me off twice for this girl and I found out yesterday that they are dating. I've been his best friend for nine months now. He's known her for two weeks, and now he's dating her and she seems so much more important than me. I told him that it would just be best for us to end our friendship, and I asked him if we could do it in person, because it just feels right this way, but he's trying to come up with excuses to not see me.
I'm falling apart here, because not only am I losing the guy that I love, I am losing my best friend. He always told me that he never wanted to lose me. But now he's acting as though he doesn't care. Why is he being an asshole all of a sudden now?
This girl that he's with now was also my friend and she knew that I liked him, yet she continued to "steal him away" for lack of a better phrase.
I understand that if he did lose feelings, then he can't help it. I'll accept it and move on. I just don't understand how he can be so content with losing his best friend who he fell in love with and loved for seven or so months. How do you just lose feelings like that? He said that it's nothing I ever did, he just "doesn't have the attention span to stay in love".
He was in a three year relationship a while back (way before he knew me, so I know I wasn't a rebound) and he told me he loved me more than the three year girl and also that he had fallen outta love with her too, but never told her. He told me that he couldn't lie to me about not loving me anymore, and that I deserved to know.
I'm still so in love with him, but I want to know how he can just lose feelings and how he can all of a sudden not care if he loses his best friend. Will he eventually realize what he has done? People have told both of us that when they would see us together, there was some sorta connection between us that other people didn't understand. We just "click".
Thanks for any advice.
The problem is probably his new girlfriend who is jealous of your and his relationship as friends. She is worried that you will win him back again so she is pressuring him to leave you behind.
He lost his feelings for you and found her on the rebound. They have only been together for two weeks, so there is a good chance that he will resent her jealousy of you. He may want your friendship more that her. If you want him back, try to say hi to him from time to time and see what develops.
Things rarely go smoothly in romances.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com