questionable feelings/ want to be friends

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
well... my girlfriend and i broke up about 3 months ago, and i don't think it ended very well, or at least as i wanted it to. we never ended up going on our first date, because she was too busy. when we broke up i told her i wanted to talk to her and she got fairly ansy about wanting to know what the topic was, so i ended up calling her and talking about being just friends. the reason why i broke up with her was because of a few reasons. 1, i had not too long ago gone to the semi gothic look, and apparently she wouldn't really accept me for it, and in a sense flipped out because i changed the way i dressed (we were both very emotional) 2, she was extremely busy (when we broke up she even admitted she was bussier than she thought she was. 3, her parents were very over dominating of her life, if not way too much (i kept thinking when we'd go on our first date i would just be dating her parents because they would follow us around everywhere [she was an only child]) 3, she had a few key traits i REALLY disagree with. (she was sometimes very arrogant, she was very closed minded, and she was almost incapable of solving problems [if we had a little arguement we never ended up comming to a real solution. we just sort of forgot about it]) well anyways, we agreed to be just friends, and ever since i haven't really talked to her much, and she hasn't to me. i ended up moving away from where we both sat at lunch, and i found a new group to be with. but the thing is, i keep feeling that i really ruined what we had. she was the only person i felt i could really relate to, the only person i really felt a connection to that they could really understand me and appreciate me for who i am, and i feel that i've lost that, and i've basically lost the one person who was a really good friend to me. i want to be friends more than anything, but every time we see each other from a distance, we exchange this look of 'well... hi' and i feel this pain in my chest. i see her thinking how beautiful she is and i feel i'm still hanging on. and now, even when i'm trying to ask somebody out after all of this, my feelings are confusing me, and i'm at a loss of what to do. do you think you could give me soem guidence?

i thank you for helping me through all the relationship questions and advice i've seeked from you for the past 3 years. thanks a million,

~t Advice
When you were describing her, she didn't seem like a very attractive girl to me. You listed a number of negative attributes such as very busy, dominating parents, arrogant, closed minded, incapable of solving problems.

It sounds like you would really like to be friends with her because you feel that she understands you. Then make that your goal. Try to contact her online at first because you will be less nervous. Tell her that you still want to be friends and ask if she wants to hang out.

If it doesn't work out, ask someone else out and try to get her out of your mind. That usually works.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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