Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend & I had been going out for a couple of months over a year. I've always been quite a pessimistic person, but when I first met her, it all went away. After a while I started to feel insecure (mostly regarding how my poorly paid job would support a future for us), and began to complain about it to her. That soon evolved to putting myself down in regards to all manner of factors. She would always try to reassure me, or say that I should do something about it, but I just wallowed and ended up doing nothing. 3 weeks ago, in casual conversation, I let slip that I had always been quite unhappy during my life. She has found that incredibly daunting to deal with, told me that I needed to chance and talked to me less & less during that period (and began hanging out with a guy from work more for solace).
I began the path to recovery by seeing my doctor, being prescribed a light treatment of anti-depressants, and booked to see a counsellor. I asked work to speed up my training & qualifications in my field so that I could get qualified faster. I paid more attention to her, and realised that I actually had been happy in my life. and just not realised.
She broke up with me about a week ago, saying that she couldn't deal with it anymore and that it was "too late". I accepted that things had to change, and I was beginning that progression. However, that wasn't enough to appease her, and she ended it.
I've been "good" and not contacted her at all, no matter how strong the urge is.
I've met up with old friends, I've spent an entire day going over what happened. where she'd gone wrong, and where I'd gone wrong. I've drunk heavily, I've listened to music & watched movies. I've made a list of things that I wanted to do when I was with her, but didn't. I've made a list of things that I need to do to better myself.
The problem is that it all takes time, and I'm scared that by the time that I am "better", that it'll be too late for any form of reconciliation. I love her deeply, and I didn't realise how much I did until she was gone. She had insecuities herself, but she never really spoke about them. Things had become a bit stagnant towards the end of the relationship, but I had just assumed that we were becoming more comfortable with each other. She seems to believe that for a relationship to work, that everything will be "perfect", and that if work is needed then it wasn't "meant to be".
My best friend was in a similar situation with his now-wife, but they got back together, and are happily married, so there is hope.
But should I really hang onto the hope, as I strive to better myself? Or should I totally let go? I really love her, and really want her to be at my side as we grow and better ourselves.
She mentioned that we could talk in a "couple of months" to see how tings are, but I'm just worried that she would have totally fallen out of love with me.
Call or write and tell her that you are taking steps to improve yourself, that the steps are working, and that you would like to take her up on her offer to talk in two months by going out to dinner. Don't do this while you have been drinking.
Waiting two months is a risk, but you really have no viable options.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com