We Broke Up because of School
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I am 19 years old, and I met a 17-year-old guy this summer.....we dated for the last half of the summer, but mutually decided to break up because I was headed off for my sophomore year in college, while he'll be a senior in high school.
I know that being unattached is the "right" thing to do, but I have been at school for two weeks and miss him so much. I've called him twice to talk to him since arriving here, and we've chatted briefly, but he hasn't called me or said he's missed me.
I'm going home this weekend, and I don't know if I should try to talk to him about making this work, or not. Your help would be much appreciated! Thank yoU!
It's really, really common for people to break up because of school issues like this, and also really common for them to regret it. On the other hand there are lots of people who try to make it work even though they are separated because of school and who are miserable because of it. So you can never quite tell where you'll fall in the range.
It sounds like while you haven't been swept up in the social scene of college, that he's enjoying being 'top man' in high school. That can be a pretty heady thing, to be king of the mountain. Of course it all ends next year when he's bottom of the heap again, but you were a senior and know how that can feel.
This might come down to a discussion of labels. You want to be "with him". It sounds like he wants to be "free". You probably both still care for each other, regardless of labels, though. Why not agree to be great friends who care for each other a lot, but who aren't necessarily chained to each other? You can still call him and email him, share your thoughts and dreams and be a part of his life. You can see each other when you can.
But there will be weeks and months where you can NOT see each other, and it might be unrealistic to expect you both to stay far away from all other people during that time. Especially with dances and movies and concerts and everything else that goes on in life.
So that would be my suggestion. Stay a dear friend, stay close to him. Care about him. But if he's not 100% dedicated to this relationship being the sole one in his life (which would be tough for most long distance people to agree to) then to try to force him into a monogamous relationship might just cause pain and anguish for you when it failed.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com