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We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities. --Jacques Maritain



i am cheating



Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
i am married fo 25 years. my family ( 5 teenagers)and i have a met this man 4 years ago,.on the initial meeting we had fallen for each other. He was flirting with me and vice versa. i got his number because i was going to help him get a letter he wrote published. So this was all in agreement with my family. Eventually we began an emotional and sexual relationship. he lives in another country so we saw eachother about 10 times in the last 4 years secretly. a couple of those times my family has been with him and he has even slept at my house. I do love him , he is so attentive , warm caring. im sure its the attention im recieving , thats keeping my relationship up with him. I CAN NEVER tell my spouse. He would have to divorce me according to our religion. It would be a mockery for my family too. My question, i would like not to need his ( my lover) affection and friendship. How ? I try a few times to tell my husband he has to notice me be more attentive loving etc. He tries a little and then goes back to his quiet self.My lover is 25 years older than me and not married and has no money. he is always telling me to play the lottery so i can win and then we can be together. i know that sounds so shallow of him. So its basically the attention im guessing i crave, I had another baby 2 years ago (my husbands) and ages of my kids are 2 to 23. Divorce is not an option . Also , the cheating gets easiar as our relationship goes on. I know its wrong, but i keep doing it . direct me to let my lover off easialy end get rid of this constant uneasy feeling i have inside without coming clean to my family about my cheat. thanks




RomanceClass.com Advice
If your customs allow it, you and your husband (or just you) should work with a marriage counselor to help bring you and your husband closer together. If your husband gave you more attention, perhaps you would feel the need to cheat. A marriage counselor would help you bring these things more clearly to your husband and perhaps he would change some.

If you cannot see a marriage counselor, then work very hard with your husband and give him a list of things to do to make you feel better. If he tries but then forgets, remind him to look at the list.

As you know, you should tell your lover goodbye. Sooner or later the truth must come out unless you stop now. Also, you would be a better mother and wife if you didn't think of your lover. That would make for a happier family.

I know how tempting it is to cheat when you feel unappreciated at home. But, the potential pain is greater than the pleasure when you think about it.

Hope this has helped some.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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