Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female

i am currently dating a guy, his wife passed away 5 months ago and he has one child 4 yrs old. in the first he was so active in wooing me but i told him to slow down because i was not sure about him too, i meant, i need more time to know about him, then when i finally accepted his proposal, all of sudden he acted very cold and avoided me (no calls at all, he use to call me 4 hours a day) and when i asked him for confirmation about our relations, he said: Sorry, you are not what I wanted, we have different way of thinking, sorry for everything, and please lets break up.

when i asked him to explain his feeling, he just say that he is not looking for any relationship now but I know that he is dating online.

i feel so mad, so angry because I love his child dearly and this is what I get for whaetever love that I gave to his child.

what should i do? just forget him? he said, give him time for re-thinking whether he really loves me, and he hopes that when he wants to start again with me....I will accept him. meanwhile he wants me to keep in touch with him as friend.

i don't want to be his friend because I feel the relations is useless, if he is not interested, then I would go for another man who is worthy of my love better, I feel he is just playing with my feeling! I feel that he is using me because I am a pre-school teacher, so he is using me to educate his child only.

what should i do George? I stop contacting him since yesterday and try to forget him, what made me can't forget him is because that i love the child so much and it pains me not to be able to hear about the child again Advice
There is no good reason he should have treated you like that. But, of course, you can't do anything about what someone is thinking.

It's sad about the child, yet you can't form a relationship based on that. It's only been a day since you stopped contacting him so perhaps things will change for the better. Meanwhile you might feel better if you could speak with the child (with the father's understanding) to tell him that you love him but won't be able to see him again. Explain that this is normal when grown-ups are dating. I'm sure that, with your experience, you will be good at this.

Don't be surprised if your ex becomes interested in you again... it seems his feelings are based on how interested you are in him.

This is a bad situation for all of you and I hope things take a turn for the better.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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