Confused and Hurt
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I have been talking to a guy that I go to school with both at school and online - a lot. I probably began to like him in November, but sometime a few months ago something seemed to give way and before I knew it I was so confused. See, he likes this other girl that he has gone to church with for a very long time now, and I knew this before anything started. They would be dating, but his parents do not like that idea, so he has been trying to suppress those feelings. He knew that I liked him, and I knew he liked her, so I thought that it would be safe for us to be friends, but it turns out that it's not. I knew that I was setting myself up for nothing, but I couldn't stop because he kept going and never said anything, and eventually it was him who was leading it all, and not me. The problem is that unknown to me, he has begun to feel the same way about me as I do about him. But he still likes the other girl. We never actually addressed this issue until last night, and everything came out and I'm so confused now. He says it's all his fault that this happened, yet I know that it was mine. I was relying on the fact that he didn't feel the same as me so we could be friends. But that line between friends and something else kept getting blurrying and blurrying until there was no way we could go back to the other side unscathed. So now I feel empty, I just want him to be happy . . . but he won't be happy if I'm unhappy, but he can't betray the other girl, who is almost my opposite. Believe me here when I say he is not like normal guys. He is a strong believer in God and is, at this point, hating himself for "what he caused". He says that he would rather die than see me in pain, but I think there's no other choice. He feels awful and so do I. And so does the other girl. He says he feels like a worthless, faithless person who doesn't know what's right because his emotions are clouding his judgment. We never should have become as close as we did, this was a mistake. But now the damage is done and neither of us know what we should do. We keep each other from going insane from school and wouldn't be able to survive without that. But at the same time, there's this weird forbidden attraction thing that's going on that we can't ignore any more. So we think that it would be best to stop talking . . . but neither of us want this . . . what should I do?
The problem is in his head. He has to decide between you girls.
You should tell him you will stop talking to him because you don't want to be a relation wrecker. He has an established relationship and you shouldn't break it up.
Now he will be forced to choose and hopefully he will choose you.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com