I like a really close friend of mine. But I can't tell if she likes me or not. How can I tell?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
This girl and I are really close nd she is also very close with my family (she calls us her second family). I've liked her for the past five years, however only the past year has she been single. This past year has been very annoying, I can't tell if she likes me or not. Last summer we spent a lot of time together: bike rides together, we went to movie alone (because our other friend cancelled, not planned), she went to NYC with my family and I, we went on a camping trip with a couple friends together, she was always at my house (but rarely alone). Sometimes I would think that she was acting "mushy" or that she was interested (laughing at me, picking on me, similing). And then the next day I call or text her and it takes her like several hours to respond and say "sorry I missed you".
The one night she left my house late and I was planning on talking to her about my feelings but I chickened out. I texted her about a half hour after she left and asked her if she was still awake because I wanted to tell her something. Then she said something that just ruined my summer "Can it wait until tomorrow?" Granted, it was like 2AM and I don't think she knew what I was going to ask her. Her friend (and my friend too) texted me a few days later and said "(insert her name) said that you wanted to talk to her about something and asked me what it could be. I know you like her but I didn't tell her. She doesn't think of you that way, she thinks of you as her brother, I don't want you to ruin the great friendship you guys have." Then, the next couple weeks, she seems very stand offish. Then, we go to Baltimore together with another friend and in the car she asked me about my past relationship and asked if I would do it again? Which I still don't know what she meant by that. But that conversation gave me hope again, but not enough courage to talk to her (that was a chance I blew). And that was pretty much the end of the summer.
Over Christmas break, we spent a lot of time alone, she would come over to my house, play games with my family and I then just the two of us would go and play videogames until like 3AM. There were probably three or four nights during the break that we were alone until like 3AM. I always make her laugh when she's around and sometime not intentially, just stupid things I do. She went to the movies (a kind of double date with my friend his gf and me and her). I didn't make contact with her (and my friend made fun of me for not) but I thought we sat kinda close to one other. The one night, we made a movie together on her video camera (initially my one friend, her and I but my buddy left so it was mostly just her and I) we had a blast! We always have a blast together! Then she went back to school and now I only talk to her once in a great while (she sends me texts every so often that says she misses me and is thinking of us (my family and I). The annoying thing is that when I call her (she always does this) she doesn't answer and then doesn't return my call for like several hours! We did talk on the phone right after spring break for about 45 minutes just catching up.
One thing I do want to add is that I feel so comfortable talking to her and I believe she does too. Last summer, we were talking about personal things and really had a nice conversation. When she came in town a little over a month ago, we went for a coffee and sat in my car in front of her house for about 20 minutes just talking about personal stuff again. We do have a lot of fun together, however I try really hard to let her know that I can be serious too and have good converstions.
Sorry for the long question, any advice?
Besides your shyness, I imagine you are holding back for fear that telling her might have a bad impact on your current excellent relationship.
My feeling is that she would make a move if she were interested in advancing your closeness. This suggests you do nothing.
However, if you are determined to pursue romance, you should tell her that you are "starting to have feelings for her" but that you don't want to ruin your friendship. Then await her reply.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com