He practically lived a double life. Is it grounds to leave?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Well I thought everything was normal. We are happy, we have 2 kids, everything was going fine. I'm a stay at home mom. We are struggling to get by, so my boyfriend went to work everynight. Or so I thought. Turned out he quit his job in early January and has been going to his friends house every night. He wanted me to actually beleive he had been going to work. He pulled out loans from check into cash places, he bounced his checking account, and borrowed money from his parents to get us by. He thinks since I don't work, he doesn't have to work. (Let me tell you about the fact that he legally has to pay me child support too.) He made up excuses for everything. I knew something was up and he still covered it up in lies. I confronted him a few times about how I think he might be lying, I just didn't know about what, because things were off. There were a lot of miles on my car for him just going to work. (His friend lives 45 minutes away.) He got a letter in the mail about his checking account and I opened it and he said it was a "bank error" and had been taken care of. I feel like such a fool for falling into this web of lies. I found out he wasn't working because a friend saw him at home when I was gone and he was supposed to be "at work". I confronted him and told him he had a chace to tell me the truth NOW or I was leaving, and so he spilled. I told him if he lied to me again, that was it, and I'm gone. But I still feel so foolish and fragile, and I just almost want to leave because I feel like he isn't truley sorry. I told him he would really have to do something special to make it up to me to prove he is sorry and to win back my heart, but he has only bought me chocolate. I'm not asking for a diamond ring, but some solid proof that he is sorry, not cheesie noveltys. I am torn on what to do. I never saw it coming. We have been together over 2 years and I never thought he lied to me. All of a sudden I'm hit with this. Am I asking to much of him? I want it to work out since we have kids and I do love him, but I can't make him love me, you know? Am I blowing it out of proportion?
Maybe you should find someone to watch your kids and then find a job that will cover the babysitting and also bring in more. This will put him on notice that you can survive on your own and he better begin to produce more.
Once you have his attention, let him know you are willing to contact a lawyer to make him pay child support if it becomes necessary.
If he is going to play mean then you will have to get stronger too.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com