Missing a piece of me
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Ok, so I’m 17 & am turning 18 in a little over 4 months. my best guy friend (ill call him A) is 24. I’ve known him for about 10 years (since i was like 7). I met him cause we both skated & had the same coach. so we talked & we exchanged AIM names & talked through tht as well. in 8th grade i stopped skating but he & i stayed in contact through AIM.
we didn’t talk as much in 9th grade (though still fairly regularly) but we lost contact in 10th grade (except for occasionally). mid-way through my junior year my first bf (who was going through a very rough period throughout our relationship) broke up w/ me. & through facebook, A saw tht i was hurt & asked me about it. & tht sparked us talking again. he asked me wht had happened & helped me try to stop hurting as much.
my friends didnt rly like him & they said tht he liked me (as more then a friend) & tht he was taking of advantage of me being hurt & thts why i didnt notice him flirting. & they said tht he just wanted to get in my pants & tht he would rape me. i didnt believe them, i trusted him (i still trust him). b4 the end of my junior year & summer before my senior year we hung out a few times & exchanged cell numbers. So we started txting as well
Im now a senior & we still talk, we actually talk even more then before. we talked online like everyday (except for a little while at the beginning of the year & when we started talking on aim again he was kinda hurt at some of the things I said, saying tht me not talking to him & then saying tht I had missed talking to him was kinda wrong & hurtful, but tht didn’t stop us from talking) & texted a lot too. We’d text like all day & then chat online later tht evening.
Well I started noticing tht the way he talked to me had kinda changed & he said things tht he had never said before. & I thought tht he may be attracted to me, & tht i may be attracted to him. my best friend E had told me tht i liked him as more since the begining even though i denied it, & i then started thinking tht mayb i did. so we kept talking & i never brought it up & neither did he. it started bcoming more & more noticeable & finally i asked him abt it, he told me tht he did like me & would like to mayb date & he said "if you were 22 id ask you out w/o a 2nd thought, but ure 17" & he was like the only thing really holding him back was the fact tht i wasnt 18 yet, & tht it was just a line tht was put in, but he wouldnt cross it. he said he'd wait for me to be 18 & i thought
tht waiting was a good idea. so we went frm there. it wasnt like it mattered, we already hung out & went out w/each other (though the last time we went out it was just the 2 of us b4 we talked & we did get some strange looks).
well b4 A & i had talked i went 2 a friend of mines new years party & met a friend of hers (J) & J & i hit it off & talked like the entire time. he asked me to his HC & i said yes figuring it would be fun to hang. well at the dance we kissed & then a few days after he asked 2 b more than friends. i asked A wht he thought i should do (when i had 1st told him abt J he made a joke but he seemed a bit jealous) & he said "i cant tell you no if you want 2 go out w/ someone else, i dont have tht right" then he asked if id rather go out w/J. i said no, id rather go out w/ A. well a bit later he brought it up again, & he said "if you want to test the waters you can". so told J yes tht we should give it a try. well after i told A he was (well idk wht rly i couldnt tell if it was anger or hurting, mayb both). & i tried talking to him but it wasn’t rly great convos.
well a little over a week ago i tried talking on AIM to A & after the usual "hey whts up?" & then the nothing tht pretty much came out of it i made some sarcastic remark to call him out it & mayb get him to say some abt it. it got him to laugh & then (since the comment included me going to dinner) i left & came back l8r, well it kinda did make him say something, but it was more of him telling me tht all i did was throw questions at him & if i had nothing to say how could i expect him to have nething to say. so i talked i told him abt my weekend & me bing able to see my sis. well he didnt say nething besides ok, & one question. so finally i was like "if you dont want to talk to me just tell me. ill leave you alone" after a bit of a pause he finally replied saying “well you do put me in an awkward position, I think it would be best for the short term.” & then he left it at tht (he did say good night atleast).
Its been about 1.5 weeks & hes said nothing to me & ive been trying so hard to not say nething to him. its so hard, its like im addicted to him (something he said b4 as well). I kno I shouldnt talk to him yet & wait 4 him 2 come to me…..but I feel like he wont. I told a friend tht if I was gonna lose A completely I wouldnt go out w/J, cause I didnt want to not have A gone frm my life completely.
I love A, completely in love w/ him (pretty much all of my friends at skool see that) & even though im only 17 im sure that I love him deeply. & after thinking 4 a long time I realized tht id even b willing to marry him (after college though). I thought 4 a long time & talked to my counclor abt it too, & I decided tht instead of waiting to be 18 to possibly (b4 I said nething abt J, A wasn’t clear abt the us actually bing 2gether, he made it clear after I had told him abt J asking me) of bing w/him id be 17 for a bit longer & instead of waiting to be w/someone id date for a long time & be willing to marry, I decided that I would “play the field one last time, be a kid just a bit longer, instead of rushing into adulthood.
So I guess my questions are:
a) should I try to talk to him yet or should I wait longer?
b) is my reasoning wrong or silly? Was I right to do it for tht reason?
c) could there possibility of us being ok again?
P.S. Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to be thorough.
a) I favor talking first unless there is a strong reason to hold back. In your case, I don't see a reason for you to wait for him to contact you.
b) You seem to have your head straight on your shoulders and you think things through carefully. You did what you thought was right at the time. That is all we can hope for... think it over and do what seems right.
c) There is a good possibility of you being ok again. You have a very, very long relationship which is not an easy thing to break... especially since he said he wanted to wait until you were 18 and that's not far away.
My advice is to contact him, say that you still love him and that you are looking forward to being 18 so he can ask you out. I think he will be happy to hear this.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com