We're Best Friends - How Do We Date?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Almost a year ago, my bestfriend and I dated. We were never boyfriend and girlfriend. Although we did act like it, we never actually earned the title. We never fought and we were never unhappy, or so it seemed. After about 5 months we decided that we were just going to stay friends. I was fine with this at the time.
Now it is almost a year later and I have never felt as strongly about anyone as I do for him. We have so much fun together. I love him very much and I know he loves me. I just don't know if he loves me the way I love him.
A few months ago he introduced me to a friend of his and tried to set us up. We hit it off and began dating. Shortly after getting together we started fighting and I of course would talk to my bestfriend about it. When I complained that my boyfriend would never call me, my bestfriend would reply, "Well I called you. I called you everyday." He would tell me on a daily basis that I was too good for my new boyfriend and that I could do so much better. He was also dating someone and his relationship with her was a mirror image of the relationship with my boyfriend and I. She never called, and she stopped coming over. We found comfort in each other. He would tell me frequently that, "one day we'll find someone who can keep up with us." After my boyfriend and I finally broke up he told me, "One day, your boyfriend is going to realize the mistake he made leaving you, and that he still wants to be with you and your not going to be around, like I did." Shortly after that he and his girlfriend broke up. For the past few months, it seems like everytime he and I talk we bring up "us" in the past. We talk about how happy we were and all the great times we had.
Now everytime we talk we flirt shamelessly, but we remind each other daily that we are just friends. But I think we may be trying to hide our true feelings for each other because we are scared a relationship would change our friendship. The lady doth protest too much. But then again maybe his "supposed feelings" for me are all in my head. I don't know if he just wants to stay friends, or if he is hinting around that he wants to be more than friends. I don't want to tell him how I feel in fear that he may not feel the same way and that it may sever our friendship somehow.
Long story, short. I am confused. This is the only question I couldn't go to my bestfriend about, so any advice would be appreciated.
It definitely sounds like you both are really close to each other, are best of friends and can talk about anything. Which is incredibly important in any relationship. So that is great! It also sounds like you're both very worried about losing that important friendship if you get closer together. But really, ALL great relationships are about great best friends who also are intimate together. That is THE most ideal of relationships. So what you two are worried about is exactly what EVERY great relationship couple has worried about and gotten through.
The key is not to make it into a big deal. Don't go up to him and say "I love you! Let's go out!" That will scare him off because he'll be thinking, "Big change! Oh no! Danger!" Instead, you ease into it slowly so he SEES that it's not a bad thing, not a dangerous thing. He sees that it is a NORMAL thing and one that makes you two even closer.
I have tips here -
just start easing closer to him and show him that this is a normal, good, wonderful thing to happen between two friends.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com