Why do I have to be the one who changes
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. At the beginning everyhing was great. He was more into his school, his brothers and sisters and of course me. But then he started hanging out with a lot of his guy friends who are into clubbing and getting girls with no commnitment. Through hanging with his friends he starts having a bunch of opposite sex friends. Few months later he starts flirting and not that I have a problem with him flirting but sometimes he takes it to the max saying things like "I wish you were my girlfriend" r "your breast are amazing, I would love to nibble on them" r things like "so when are you gonna invite me over so we can hook up". This is when my jeaolusy really started. I would call him on his phone and he'd never pick up and call me hours later with some lame exuse. About 9 months ago I called him at 1AM. His cousin pick up the phone and says he's sleeping. Later I found out he was out with his ex who he talks to all the time and he hangs out with more than he does with me. I'm always jealous of his friends because he treats them better than he treats me. The jealousy is still there but I deal with it because I love him and I would hate to lose him. Since then he's add a few other girls to his best friends list. I was talking to him last night, telling him about how I didn't like it how in the day he complains about not wanting to be on the phone with me and then at night he spends hours on the phone with his other girls. He goes on to telling me that there is nothing going out that sometimes he just wants to talk to other people and he only flirts with them and he knows his limits, and that I'm being a nagging bitch. He makes me feel bad saying that he's a teenager and he's suppose to flirt, he's suppose to have fun and it doesn't always have to be with me. I try to break up with him because I can't handle the situation right now, but he threatens to never come back and I don't want to risk that. He says he loves me and that I'm the only one, but all I feel is that I'm just his sex toy in the relationship and when he wants the other roles that come with the gilrfriend package like satying on the phone late at night, going out on romatic dates he gets, he gets it from someone else.
I don't feel like I can ever make him understand, I've tried so many times. But I don't want to be with someone who makes me jealous on purpose and calls me the nagging bitch.
Please help this relationship is eating at me and I want to make it work but don't know how to. He wants me to change who I am so I can stand by and watch continue to hurt my feelings like he does.
You have been more than reasonable with him. You let him flirt and talk with other female friends even though you are jealous.
But then he pushes it too far and that's where you have to make your stand. The next time he is really over the top, tell him this is the kind of thing that you cannot stand and if he does it or something similar you are going to drop him. And you have to mean it! You deserve better than what he is giving you. He has to give you what you need or else. If you don't push back seriously, he will keep on his old ways. Give it a try.
If you end up split up, it's probably for the good.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com