I Love my Office Mate
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I am 31, single, working in a office. There is a girl in my office. She is very simple nature, good looking and kind person. 7-8 months before we were very close friends. After some time I feel attraction about her. But I didnt told her.
After some days may be she knew that or someone told her. And she told me that, "she doesn't want to do love-marriage, because her father is finding a person for her in their relatives to marry. So please leave her alone. She is interested in friendship only and nothing else."
I was shocked when she told me this. I didnt answer her anything. I was frustated. But after some days (before 3 months) I told her that, I can't live without her. I want to marry her. But she says NO.
After this some misunderstandings happen between us and she told me, she is respecting me and only respecting. And she is not my friend. I asked her why you are telling like this. But she didnt answer me.
But nowadays again we are talking normally and just. I always feel that she loves me. But there may be some problems with her that's why she is not accepting my love.
Please tell me , How can I get her love? I am ready to do anything for her. Because I can't live without her. And she knows this. Please help me.
It could very well be that she was attracted to you but that she feels it's her duty to do what her father tells her to do. It's always surprising to me that in the 21st century there are still women who will base their entire future, life, love, happiness and family on what their father tells them to do. Her father is NOT her! The things he thinks are important in a man are from a male perspective - and might have NOTHING to do with what will make her happy. If it was at least her MOTHER choosing the guy it might make sense, but a guy choosing a guy? Guys and girls are different types of people, and what a guy thinks a guy should be like can be MUCH different than what a girl thinks a guy should be like.
In any case, this is something she needs to resolve. Yes, she loves her father. Yes, he helped raise her! But he raised her to be an adult that can take care of herself. And one of THE most important decisions any adult makes is how to spend their entire adult life. This should NOT be a decision that is made for them. Is her father going to dress her for the rest of her life too, because only he can choose what clothes she enjoys wearing?
You can't just dive into marriage without even dating this woman. Yes, you know her in the office. But marriage is about really knowing someone fully, inside and out, through good and bad. You need to date someone for several months before you start to understand those things. So I would start spending more time with her - just as friends - and doing things together. The more she spends time with you, the more she will become comfortable with you and realize that it is HER choice that must decide her own life path. That is what being an adult is about - making decisions for yourself.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com