Mixed Signals After A Breakup- Does He Want To Get Back Together?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Alright, so it's almost been a month since my ex-boyfriend and I broke up. Lemme give you the short of the background before I ask the question:
My boyfriend and I had been dating for almost 11 months. During those 11 months, we got into little fights, became insanely close, I had a mental breakdown and he saw it, we broke up once and got back together for 2 months before he finally broke it off. He claimed he didn't 'feel the same.' He said he would always love me, but not the way he used to when we first started dating. I was heartbroken. I really love him more than anything, and would like to spend more time with him, if not the rest of my life. And for the record, he's a junior and I'm a senior, and we both have homeroom together and chorus together, too.
So after we broke up, he was very distant. He avoided me in the hallways, conversations on the phone were very minimal, and when I did call it was usually because I was begging him to take me back. Sadly, I learned later on by reading around that doing those things only pushes them further away. So I did some damage, but after taking some personal time, I regained insight and decided to play it cool after I gave him a burst of affection.
First, to give him a little 'wow' factor, I got him to come to a group outing after mid-terms, where we surprised him with ice cream and singing happy birthday, because his birthday was three days prior. When I asked him if he was happy that I had convinced him to come, he nodded insanely enthusiastic, smiled, and even blushed a little on his cheeks. After that I played it cool.
At first it worked. if I ignored him, he would initiate contact. He would come over and poke me on the cheek or tap my nose like always, then ask for a hug. He would always maintain eye contact. Even during class he would glance in my direction, granted not as much as he used to, but he still did so.
But after ignoring him for a while, he would stop initiating conversation as much. It would be more short, simple bursts of conversation, and then he was promptly leave and that would be it. We still would hug before the end of the day as we left, and his hugs still would include him rubbing my back with his hand the littlest bit, but we are still on good terms.
After the one study hall day we had together, I felt we got closer. He was suffering from a mild asthma attack, and was looking a little flushed. Naturally, my instinct to be highly concerned for him began to override the coolness meter I tried to keep, but this time he didn't back away. I asked him if my cold hands could do anything to help him, and he pressed them onto his neck, where he let them linger for a moment before he tried to push them away, but I told him "No no, let them stay a second longer." He didn't object as my hand rested there for a bit. During that study hall, amongst my friends, he even placed his hands on my shoulders and rubbed them like he used to, trying to unwind me, and when I complained about being cold he told me to come to him and enveloped me in a hug to keep my warm.
The next day he was somewhat the same. he reached for my shoulders again. He was unnaturally close, and it pleased me, but later on in the day and the next few days he became distant again, just slightly.
I keep getting the feeling he's sending mixed signals that he wants to get back together, but at the same time is afraid that if we get back together it will be a repeat of our previous relationship. I want to show him that I have matured since our breakup, but I'm not quite sure how to do just that with the limited time we have.
Does he like me, does it seem like he wants to get back together? And if so, how should I proceed?
Seems that he is ready to start up a relationship with you again.
But why isn't he taking the first step? Perhaps he is afraid of breaking up a second time. And, you will be leaving school in the not too distant future.
Why not test the waters by giving him a sweet kiss when he is in a good mood. When he asks "what was that for?" you can say that you still like him and wanted to let him know it for sure.
Then see how he reacts. You should be able to tell whether he is drawn back to you or not. Also, make some cookies for him and take them to school. He will really like that. Or, if you can't do that, ask him to hang out.
Best of luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com