I Love but am not In Love
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I have been with my fiance for just over 6 yrs. I love her but I'm not sure if I'm in love with her. We have few common interests and those that we do have are I guess a little on the "lame" side of things. We don't even have a similar sense of humor.
Anyway, for the past 2 or so years we've been in a long distance relationship and i've been meeting other people that i find i have more in common with.
Is there a way I can end the relationship without looking like an a$$hole. How can i voice my concerns when pretty much forever i said that our differences were an attraction and that i'd love her forever and so forth...Help me!
It definitely is important for you to find some sort of resolution to this problem now, before you actually start cheating on her with someone else. Making a commitment to someone means you do your best to make it work - or you have the decency to end it before you begin to make things work with someone else.
Everybody changes over time. It's a normal part of life. When you are in a relationship, you have to work steadily to make sure that even though you both are changing, you maintain that connection and caring for each other. It sounds like you two have drifted apart. Instead of working to find common interests and draw together, you have maintained your separate worlds and grown even farther apart.
It can easily be that you used to be quite happy with her. But because you BOTH did not work on the relationship, you just aren't close any more. This is the most-cited reason in divorce cases so you're not alone in this. It's not easy to maintain a relationship. It requires work and effort. It's of course a shame that it got to this point, but you have two choices now. You can either put in a solid effort to try to repair the harm, or you can agree that it's too far gone and call it quits.
I would meet with her in person if at all possible - breaking up should never be done over the phone or email or anything else. You made the commitment in person, you should break it up in person.
I have tips on how to break up here -
Be gentle but kind. She deserves to find someone close to her, who is far better suited for her than you are. If you keep stringing her along for more years, she will miss out on great guys that she could find who would be perfect for her. Yes, it'll be hard initially. But I think in the long run you'll both be happier.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com