I Miss my Ex Boyfriend
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
i was with a guy named W for a few days, and met his best friend M. i cheated on W with M. me and M started dating, and having sex, and a month and a half later he broke up with me.
im not sure i was in love bc i couldnt really trust him. he lived like 45 minutes away from me. he said we needed a break bc we fought too much and now i feel like im in love with him, but we arent getting back together.
i compare all the guys i date to M and cant no matter what i do get over him.
Wow, it sounds like this is quite the whirlwind situation! First off, it is never a good idea to cheat on a guy you're dating. Not only does it hurt him, but it sends a signal to ALL other guys you date - that you're likely to cheat on them given half a chance. So with M living so far away from you, how could he trust you, that you weren't cheating on him? You'd already shown you were willing to cheat if you wanted to. There was no way for him to trust you that you would remain faithful to HIM since you couldn't remain faithful to your ex.
In addition to that, you weren't having a happy relationship, you were fighting all the time. A relationship should be about two people who are happy to be together, who enjoy their time together. Life is full of enough misery and unhappiness without your chosen partner in life adding to it! A relationship should always be about two friends who might disagree, but who NEVER yell. So if you were yelling at him and fighting, it's no wonder that he wanted to end the relationship.
If you really want to have another chance with M, you need to start afresh with a whole new attitude. You need to think of M as a great friend, someone YOU can be a great friend to. You need to think about fun things you two can do together that do NOT involve sex. Sex is fun, but it is not something that holds a real relationship together.
So think about concerts you can go to, restaurants you can eat at, maybe sports you can play or bikes you can ride or other things. And then call M up and ask him to go do something with you *as a friend*. The more time you spend with him as a friend, showing him that you are friendly, fun, and good to be with, the better your chances of eventually being his girlfriend again. And hopefully this time, you will be a girlfriend he enjoys and actively wants to be with for a long, long time.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com