Secrets of Talking to Attractive Women

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I have a problem with the way that I perceive women that I am attracted to. When it is women whom I perceive as less attractive, I have no problems, but otterwise I struggle. It is as if I see beautiful women as superior to me. What steps can i take to feel more confident about myself around women that i am more attracted to, so that i can be more successful in dating and relationships. Advice
I think you hit on the key point here, and you're very perceptive to have done so. It all has to do with how *you perceive* the woman in question. You've gotten past the first hurdle that many guys have - how to talk to women in general. You're able to talk to them, treat them as friends, and be friendly with them. But now if a woman is very attractive to you, they jump into another category, the 'Oh She's Special!' category, and you get nervous.

It's all in your mind :) EVERY woman is special in some way or another. The very attractive ones could be as dumb as doorknobs and really nasty-mean too. The plain ones could be the sweetest, funniest creature you ever met. And every woman, regardless of whether she's big or small, plain or pretty, tall or short, has the same basic wants or desires - the same ones men have. They want to feel appreciated. They're afraid of being hurt. They want to feel special.

So again, it comes back to your mind. You perceive these women differently, so you react differently. Try to 'trick' your mind into a new way of looking at them. First, on the girls that you CAN talk to. Pretend to yourself that they ARE really desireable. Flirt with them. Nothing over the top, just compliment them on their new dress or whatever. Practice saying the words. And see their inner beauty. See how pretty their eyes are, or how their lips look.

Now when you run into those 'beautiful' women, you'll realize that really they have the eyes of one woman you know, and the mouth of another. And inside, they also have fears of being rejected, fears of being laughed at. If you were to walk up to her and be mean to her, even if she hid it, it would bother her. She may not even think of herself as beautiful - many beautiful women don't. Many of them have obsessed about their small flaws for so long that they just think they're "average".

So treat her as if she's special, just as you've been doing with the other women you've been talking to. Don't obsess on her physical beauty! She can't help that, and praising that is like praising a dog for having black hair. Find something ELSE special about her, that is truly hers. If she does crochet, talk about that. Find something *inside* her that makes her special. You'll find she's a human after all, and quite easy to talk to!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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