cycle of doom pt3
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Im still in my depression. I go through stages, when i reflect on the past years, and all that happened.
It occurs to me that, no matter how much you want to help or save somebody, if they dont love themselves enough to actually want to help themselves, nothing you say matters to them...maybe nothing i ever said or did for her meant anything.
It also occurs to me WHY she never bumped into a single good guy in all these years. When a person is alright, confident, happy, and has a sense of self worth, they project it. And USUALLY meet other happy people. Good people.
When a person is a wreck, but instead of facing what happened, getting over it, and feeling better about themselves, feels wounded, refuses to heal, keeps blaming themselves, and feels desperate and cant be alone, they project a lack of confidence, desperation and VULNERABILITY.
Thats why in 4 years, this girl, only met others who preyed on her. Misery likes company. ANd misery attracts other company.
The sad thing is, even if you cut me out of the equation, my talks, my actions, my efforts, she had to do this on her own years ago.
When the first guy crushed her, she shouldve stayed around, i couldve helped her then. But instead, she ran from everything, never got over it, and felt just as desperate and down as the last time i saw her at that school. So she rebounded with losers who smacked her down even more.
So instead of getting over it properly, feeling better, healing and getting strong enough to go and date, she just left herself vulnerable.
When i bumped into her months later even after she'd had a couple of failed relationships she was STILL complaining about how it went down with the FIRST guy...
The sad thing is, that day was everything, the lesson she had to learn was everything that she needed to save herself.
All she had to do was confront what had happened, get over it, stop blaming herself, have some time to herself, get happy again, feel some self worth and THEN go back out dating.
And i bet with her happy and emotionally strong and projecting it, she wouldve met better guys. Guys that wouldve been attracted to her strength and love, as opposed to what happened, guys attracted to her vulnerability and despair. ANd even if she wouldve met a bad one, she wouldve given him the boot and been alright.
And then she wouldve met a couple more good guys, and met somebody truly special and wouldve been alright.
It sounds so simple right? It is and it isnt.
Normally thats what people do when we get hurt badly and break up.
No matter if we get angry and burn pics, tell the person off, or just leave the dating world until we clear our heads, we do it and move on properly.
But she never did. She never did in 4 years, so 4 more years of monsters, and she doesnt even see a light in the future anymore.
Im not going to that wedding. I cant go on a day i wouldve loved to attend before, and see the monster who broke her marry her. i cant see her lousy family do nothing, and her 2 faced friends keep silent. ANd i WOULDNT be able to under a house of god KEEP QUIET when the priest asks "if anyone knows of a reason these 2 should not wedd, speak now". I HAVE 10 VERY GOOD REASONS!!!!!!!!
So i cant watch the worst mistake of her life...im sorry...i dont have it in me.
We havent hung out since our last talk, and her family is already trying to cut her true friends like me out of her life.
So i dont know what we will say to eachother face to face for the first time since this all went down...
As you said, it seems she doesn't want to be helped.
If you talk to her again I wish you the best luck in finding the right words to say.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com