My husband is Ogling, no commitment & full of self

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
Hi, i have been married for the last one month to childhood family friend. He has one son, who is with his ex in another country. I got a son too of same age as his, through a relationship 11 yrs ago. we both have shared our ups and downs with our ex's and he was very bitter with his ex, as she wanted the divorce right through out for last 4 years and he granted it 2 months ago. He was seperated frm his ex for 3 yrs while we dated eachother via email, phone calls. Now he is with me and we are trying to build a healthy marriage and we agreed that he would call his son and we would visit him eventually, but he said everything is over with his ex and no communication what-so-ever.

But to my surprise over the weekend i found him emailing his ex asking how she is and kid, i froze and asked him why is he writing to her, when we agreed to call his son direct, and he was full of excuses and said that he has the right to write to his ex.. i was in pain. I basically felt let down totally with his words and actions.

Added to this he has this thing that when he sees a female he keep staring, regardles i am next to him, let it be a woman at a bank teller or on the street.. which pisses me off and i have confronted him with it and he says i am possesive and i dont trust him.

Maybe i feel jealous/possesive is cos he broke my trust within few months of our relationship before marraige. i had a lot of respect for him, since i known him from childhood and thought he is the decent type of guy with good ethics, but i was wrong in my 1st few months of communicating with him and building a foundation to a relationship, he went hired an escort and took her over to his apartment and had his time. I was soo trusting that he was heavy with guilt and 6 months down the line he confessed to me that he brought an escot 6 months ago, but when he realised i was hurting, he told me he could not have sex with her, cos there was no emotional connection, which i didnot beleive. since then i had this mistrust, but with time i have forgiven him and gave him a chance.

I am very loyal and sincere to him and i would not do anything to jepodize this marraige. Also he got a family, where his mother and brothers are always advicing him to keep in touch with his ex and it seems i got no say where his ex is concerned. he basically listens to his mother's advice and brothers, who want us over.

When i address him with one of the issues i am facing with him he turns around and accuses me of being possesive/jealous, no trust and assuming... i feel i got a reason, please help me as to how i can handle this situation. thanks - Lost Advice
He's right and his family is right that you should not try to stop him from calling his ex. He needs to communicate with her to keep track of what his son is doing. So, my advice is to drop that from your issues.

You were good to give him a chance about the escort. He was guilty about it and is sorry that he did it.

It is impolite of him to look at other women while you are there. Tell him that whenever he does it you are going to smack him on the rear. Or, better yet, just smack him and let him figure it out himself.

Overall, it seems you have a good marriage... enjoy it.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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