Does my friend actually like me?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Ok so here is the situation. I am 20 she is 19. She and I have been friends for a while now but weíve become very close over the last year or so. About two months ago she went through a pretty nasty breakup from a three year relationship and I was one of the people that helped her along the way. I wasnít the main source of help by any definition but I know I helped. I had always had feelings for her to some degree but the break up and how close we had become only made things flourish. About a month after that, the cat seemed to get out of the bag. Well it turned out she didnít feel the same way which was disheartening at the time but I got over it. We are still friends and the topic still occasionally comes up and the answers are always the same which Iím fine with but she still worries that sheís just hurting me. Many times during covoís like this she would usually say something that always made me second guess her stance on the whole situation. Well yesterday the topic came up again and it ended on a slightly sour note when she went to work. I realized this later and when the convo picked up again (after 8 hours of thinking on my part) I apologized and said that after all the thinking Iíve found the answers I needed and I finally realized that I should just be happy with what I have because after everything I could have easily lost her as a friend. This is when she got upset, not angry but upset. I had to pry out of her what was wrong and to make a long story short she said sheís tried picturing us and she canít and doesnít know why. She also said she just couldnít see it working and when I asked her why she said just because she canít see it working. Obviously some details are missing but thatís the jist of it. To me it sounds like she wants us to happen but sheís afraid of what would happen if we tried and failed. If it helps before she had always said that she just wasnít attracted to me but she made no mention of that last night. Also she has said before that Iím perfect (she has a list of qualities of her perfect guy and I fit a lot of them) and whoever ends up with me will be lucky. I think sheís just in a bad spot at the moment with trusting guys because pretty much every guy in her life so far has ended up hurting her, even her father. We are supposed to meet up tomorrow and talk more about all of this even though she thinks there is nothing that needs to be said. She has a tendency to lie to herself to the point of believing it and I feel thatís what she is doing with this whole situation. I think she is lying to herself because she is afraid it wonít work and if she makes herself believe that it would never work then sheíll feel better about the whole thing. Do you think Iím right about any of this? And sorry about the length, I just figured the more detail the better answer I could get.
Unfortunately, my estimation of the situation is rather simple-- she is not attracted to you. Your guesses about her not trusting guys or lying to herself sound reasonable but I don't believe they are true. She certainly likes you as a friend, that is for sure.
You should take her at her word and not push her any more on this. Of course, if you continue to see her she may change her mind, but you can be sure that she will approach the subject herself.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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