Jealousy is ruining my relationship

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I have known my girlfriend for nearly ten years but we have only recently gotten together. The relationship has been great, we have great chemistry, conversations, and have so many things in common. when we are together we have a great time.

The ONLY thing that does ruin what is usually a perfect day with her is my jealousy. I know my jealousy is not normal, even by a jealous person's standards. It erupts at times and it causes me to get angry. This anger causes me to be completely irrational and I will argue a point that later seems ridiculous even to me.

What is worst is that when I do get jealous I say things that hurt her feelings. So my jealousy which makes me feel bad enough is making her feel bad, something she told me cannot continue. She tells me she loves me everyday and tells me she never wants to be with anyone else ever again. I feel the same way about her but I feel horrible about how my jealousy is affecting our relationship.

She is in her final year of college and in a soriety. I have a demanding job and have to work most weekends. When I do have weekends off we usually spend them together, though there has been times she has had soriety events, including socials with fraternities, that has kept her from seeing me.

I understand she made a commitment to her soriety that she just can't break. She tells me that she would rather hang out with me when she goes to most of these events but tells me she has to go because of her position within the soriety.

When she is at these events, I can't help but picture her with other guys. She is very attractiv and I know that other guys are attracyed to her. I know this shouldnt bother me but it does a lot.

To yop things off she told me she did cheat on an ex-boyfriend several years ago. She told me she felt horrible about it and she even saw a therapist because she never wanted it to happen again. She tells me she would never cheat on me but I have to admit that knowing she has cheated doesnt help my issue.

What can I do? I feel as if this jealousy is ruining everything. If I could flip a switch and make it go away I would. I will do whatever it takes to deal with this because I love this woman so much. Advice
Jealousy is one of loves most destructive and difficult emotions. Love thrives on trust, and jealosy is the opposite of trust.

You shouldn't worry about her earlier cheating... she got that out of her system and even saw a therapist. You should consider this insurance that she won't cheat again.

Having an attractive girlfriend brings with it even more worries. But, you would probably be jealous even if your girlfriend were not attractive. Learn to accept your jealousy as a wasted emotion that only makes you and your girl sad. Please read further advice on this topic at:

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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