Jealous for no reason/not sure why
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Okay, so here's the deal. My band consists of 6 people, 3 girls and 3 guys and we've been together for more or less a year. This is all revolving around our lead singer and our rhythm guitarist (guy). About 6 months into the band I started dating our lead singer. She and I were always pretty close in the band and so it just sort of made sense to both of us. Anyways, we've only been going out for about 2 months now, and it's been amazing. Really great for both of us. Only problem for me is that I seem to get jealous of the guitarist. For months and months there's been two sides of him to the band, him being nice and fun, and him being extremely moody after being offset by almost nothing. We went through weeks and weeks of his moods and attitudes. Side note, while we weren't going out, i'd noticed them two would flirt a decent amount, being more and more physical with one another. anyways, so this moody period led to him quitting the band.
After he quit, he dumped the two singers as friends completely. Completely rude and totally deserted them. Unfortunately, we had a show that we needed to have him play for us. I went to him and tried to get them all to talk, so they did (with me there). IT went to hell and she started crying over him, saying how she couldn't believe he didn't care (this is now one month into our relationship).
So we get to the show, a little before hand, and he asks her to talk. She grabs his hand and sort of skips away w/ him to talk. They fix everything, its all good.
I seem to be insecure around them during practice when I know they're really comfortable with eachother.
I don't know where this jealousy is coming from. I mean they don't flirt very much since I even talked to her telling her i was bothered by her not acting towards me how she would him.
One side note is that I've cheated on my girlfriend before (a past girlfriend) which i know was/is horrible and put her through hell, but it seems like i'm even partially afraid of that. They went to the city to shop together today and I just can't stop thinking about it. I know she would never.
But i also knew i would never cheat... so my question is...
I trust her, but i've also been on the cheating side of a relationship...
I understand the being able to flirt and not have feelings for a person, yet I can't seem to not get jealous by it when she does.
I don't know what to do about not being jealous and i don't know what to do about the two of them. Sorry for writing so much, but I just wanted to give you a background of their story and connection. Can you just ASSESS my situation and help me?
thanks a lot, i've been stressing over this a lot lately..
Jealousy is one of those things that seem to have been put into this world to torment us. It is one of the most painful emotions and it is very difficult to deal with.
You are having an especially hard time with jealousy because you know how simple it is to become unfaithful and you are afraid she will do the same to you.
Trust is the key to overcoming jealousy. So, work to build trust. Do this by giving yourself pep talks saying that she loves you and you trust her. Talk with her in a gentle way letting her know how you feel. She should give you reassurance that you have no need to be jealous.
Also see our advice at: http://romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveCat/23682
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com