He is stressed and Doesnt know what he wants anymore
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years. We have been through alot together, beginning our relationship as long distance for the first 5 months until i moved to his city. He had a few heartbreaks before me, and i also had a disasterous one a few years prior to meeting him, so when we got together we both knew it was for the longterm.
Only last week, he began acting strange. I confronted him about it, and he said it was nothing. I tried to ignore it but couldnt. A few days later at his house i confronted him again, and finally i got an answer.
He explained to me that he was confused about what he wanted. He claimed he didnt feel the 'spark' was there anymore, but still loved me. I agreed, and offered to do something about it- as i know 'the spark' could come and go throughout relationships. But he still claimed he didnt know what he wanted. I asked, "do you want to breakup?" and he said no. "Do you want a break?" I dont know. It came to the point where i was beginning to feel sick with worry so we ended the conversation and everything was ok for a few days.
He has just started up a business and is stressed, plus his parents are giving him a hard time, so i just thought it was affecting his judgement. He send me txt's saying "I love you" at the end of them, just like always. I didnt see him until after work a few days later.
I had organised a treat for him, to try and cheer him up a bit (he can be a grump at the best of times), and arrived at his house as a surprise after work. He was surprised- that i was there.
I knew instantly my little treat hadnt worked, because i wanted everything to be ok. Instead i sat him down again and asked him the same questions i had the other day, and all i got was "i dont know". I finally told him, "then i am going home, and you call me when you know what you want." He started crying, and i did too. He said he loved me, and i told him i loved him too. He kept saying "this is not a breakup, this is not a breakup."
I kissed him goodbye and left, and i havnt spoken to him since.
I just need to know, did i do the right thing? I love him more than anything, and i have all faith that he loves me just the same, but im so scared that he will decide he doesnt want me anymore. Ive never had a 'break' with him, and this is new territory for both of us.
ps, sorry for the essay. :)
I hope things have improved for you since you wrote this.
You did exactly the right thing. With some time to think he will probably come to his senses and call you. If he hasn't called by now you should call him and ask him how he is doing. Hopefully, this will bring you back together.
My best wishes are with you. George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com