am I just scared? or looking for perfection?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been dating a guy for awhile now. He is honestly fantastic. He loves me for who I am, makes me laugh, we can hang out or go on 'real' dates. He is kind, honest, committed, very handsome, has all of the 'checks' on my check list. He's financially stable with goals in mind. He's 100% great. Except, I have this gut feeling that it's just not right. I broke up with him because of it. I couldn't ignore it and I broke up with him a few weeks ago for reasons I wasn't quite sure. He, of course not really knowing why we broke up, wants to get back together. He is being very patient with me while I am trying to work out why I feel so confused, but I feel so bad leaving him in this unknown world. When I am with him (we see each other occasionally on this 'brake') I love being with him and feel great and sure. But when I'm not with him, I feel confused and at times don't even think about him at all. I guess my question boils down to, am I just scared? This guy seems to good to loose, or am I just not in love with him. Am I looking for some kind of perfect man that doesn't really exist, when I have one right in front of me that is amazing. And if that's the case, why can't I just love him as much as he loves me? I really tried looking through other questions, but couldn't something that helped. If you want to referrer me to another answer, that's ok too.

Thanks so much! Advice
My guess is that there is no fire, no butterflies, no feeling of being desperately in love.

Add these to your checklist and see where he stands. You should always pay attention to your gut feelings. This is where the truth is. You should spend some great amount of time discussing this with your boyfriend. If he really is what you hope him to be, he will willingly engage in these talks. Perhaps the sharing will bring you closer together.

Trust your feelings! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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