cycle of doom
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Okay last time i wrote one of my best friends was stupid enough to sleep with an old stocker ex bf of hers, the guy who i saved her from when he attacked her one night.
She says "oh, i forgot about all that, blablabla" and she says shes not gonna make the same mistake again.
Well! Now she says shes "seeing" the 1st ex bf she ever had, who strung her along for 4 years, got her pregnant, she had a miscarriage, then he got pissed cuz it was "her fault" they lost the baby, treated her like crap, and broke up with her! Leaving her a shattered person who since then has tried to force relationships and rebounds that have led to her being cheated on, given an std, beaten up and scared. This first bf is partially responsible for the fact that she doesnt have the confidence to make good dating decisions. AND SHES CONSIDERING DATING HIM AGAIN!
Thats like a friend whos a druggy who finally got clean after 4 messed up years deciding, hey i bumped into an old dealer and im thinking of shooting up again! Typically youd lose respect for this person and wouldnt want to affiliate with them anymore.
So is it fair for me to tell this friend of my, "hey wake up, this guy destroyed you back then, and since he left you, he had a kid with somebody else, and doesnt take responsibility for it, youve never dated anyone good, and are now going through all your horrible ex bfs! If you are so stupid as to date this guy i will see you as so totally pathetic that i wont even talk to you anymore because i dont like being friends with LOSERS!"
Or should i wait to see if (and when i mean jeez she always does) makes the wrong decision and then say, "WOW YOU ARE STUPID! Do you have any respect for yourself at all? BYE BYE!" ?
Which of these 2 options is fair. Cuz if i keep silent then i cant really say i was there for her as a friend warning her. But it will piss her off to here the truth. Shes on the verge of ROYALLY F***ING UP HER LIFE BEYOND REPAIR!
WHO DATES EX BFS in a cycle?!?
From what you say here and what you wrote previously, it seems this friend of your is a stupid, pathetic loser with no respect for herself.
But the thing is, if you say that to her is will just lower her self-esteem and make it hard for her to make the right decisions. Instead, think of the good things she has done and praise them. Point out how the good decision was better than the bad decision and ask which decision made her happier in the long run.
This is what a good friend should do for another good friend.
Make some suggestions about better guys to date. She needs your help.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com