How Can I Trust Her?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My fiance has told me that she has cheated on every man she has been with including her ex-husbands. Here reason, she was not happy in those relationships. She added that in her eye's all men are cheaters anyway so what's the difference. If that is the case then I guess I am a rare exception to this. I have been married before and my belief is that you DO NOT cheat, even if you are unhappy and/or know that you are being cheated on. I have never cheated. She states that she would never cheat on me.
I've always heard once a cheater always a cheater. Because of her honesty, I believe to some degree that she will be faithful to me. However, one side of me is finding it hard to believe that she will be faithful. Why can I not get past this issue to have 100% complete trust? Is there anything that I can do for myself and/or our relationship and pending marriage?
Wow, I would really, truly, and quickly get into therapy with this woman. It is NEVER EVER right to cheat. If she decides that she can betray a guy she is with because she "feels like it", then it is solely in her hands to see if she feels like cheating. And since every single relationship on the planet has ups and downs, she's saying that as soon as she feels down, she is going to go out and cheat instead of trying to make it work. If she was unhappy in a relationship, she had an obligation to work on it!! And if she could not successfully fix it, she had an obligation to tell the guy and break up with him. To sleep around is just about the worst cop-out there is, and to try to justify it with "well I wasn't happy" is pretty much a statement that the person is unable to maintain a healthy relationship. As soon as things seem troublesome, she runs off with someone else instead of trying to make things work.
Her statement that all guys cheat is incredibly untrue. I know many, many guys who would NEVER cheat and who have very strong senses of honor. It sounds like she is using that line to justify her own behavior. I bet she thinks that all women cheat too, since she does it so easily, but believe me, all women do NOT cheat.
I would not marry this woman until you guys have gone through therapy and she gets her thoughts more in order. If she really goes on believing "all guys cheat" and "I can cheat whenever I want to, I just choose not to right now" you're in for disaster.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com