She needs space??

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for 18 months now, She's 21 I am 23. We have had so many fantastic times together, had a few breaks inbetween over silly lil arguments, she is not a talker, if things get bad, she runs away, as in she will go out nearly every night to forget about the situation, and I try and talk to her but it just pushes her away, this is very frustrating.

About 3 weeks ago, we spoke about kids, and I told her I'm still not sure I even want kids yet, and if I do, I want to be about 30, she said she wants to have kids when she is 25!! This scared me a bit, and she was very upset, and I think hurt as well, she feels like we can't go on if we want different things for the future. Basically we've hardly seen each other at all, maybe 3 times in the past 3 weeks, she's been going out nearly every night with her mates, drinking loads some nights other nights not so much.

This time away has given me time to think about my life and what I want out of it, and of course I want kids, and when I think about it in 4 years time I will be 28!! I sometimes still feel like I'm 18, and when she said in 4 years it freaked me out.

I've told her that I do want kids with her, and I think she will make a great mum, but she now thinks I am just saying this to stay with her, I've told her I would never do that, that is out of order to her, and also I would not be true to myself, I am a very open and honest person.

We have spoken everyday, but whenever I say lets meet up and do something, she will be like "Maybe" it's really annoying, and then she said the other day, she feels like I am crowding her, so I told her I will not email her at work, like we normally do, I won't text or ring, I will allow her to contact me when she wants to. I also asked her if she doe's not want this, does she want us to end? She said "No, No that's the last thing I want".

Since Wednesday she has called me most mornings, lunchtimes, and calls or texts me to let me know she has got home and is going to bed.

I feel so lost right now, I love her more than anything, it's really hard to not contact her, but I don't want to push her away, and pressure her, I would love to get in her head and find out what is going on, what is she thinking, she says her head is all over the place and she is confused. I've told her everything I've said here, that I love her, and I want us to work, and I would love to have kids with her, but she is still acting weird.

I feel like she would rather go out and party with her mates, then see me, but I know that this is the way she copes with things, it's not right, but it's the only way she can cope and to try and forget about things.

What should I do? Should I just give her time and space? I don't want to give her too much space though, incase she feels like I don't care, and part of me is worried that because she is going out so much, she will meet some random guy : (

Please help?!! Advice
21 seems to be the magic time when young women want to spread their wings and try something new. Perhaps this is what is happening with her. Decide whether you can live through such a change in her and let her know. Of course, let her know that you will be seeing other people too. That will keep her interest in you up.

Definitely have the children talk with her again. Tell her the truth (after you figure it out yourself). This may be a deal breaker for her so spend some serious time on it.

Sorry you are in this situation.

Good luck! George

-- from George
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