I Got Drunk and Cheated

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I made a huge mistake while drunk and on cold medicine...now what?

My girlfriend and I have been together and practically inseperable for over a year and a half. In fact, marriage is most likely soon to follow. Recently, I made a huge mistake though. I was on the opposite side of the country for a visit with family while she was out of the country. On this particular night I had taken some cold medicine, for a cold, but went out with friends and proceeded to get way more intoxicated than normal not realizing that the cold medicine had reacted with the alchohol. With out completely realizing what I was doing, I ended up in bed having sexual interactions with someone I didn't even know. The next day when I came to I was crushed, and shocked to have found out what I had done.

Now, I am left waiting for her to return from a trip overseas pondering what to do. I have been told by some people that are very close to me that telling her would be unfair to her and would hurt her unneccesarily. They see it as I made a mistake but did not intentionally do this so telling her would be more for my conscience than for her good. It would relieve some of my anxiety, but it would really hurt her. I will never put myself in that position again, but her trust and the purity of our love are something that I hold so dear.... I feel like it was a bad accident, I would never do this again, and I really don't want to hurt her. What do you think?

RomanceClass.com Advice
You most definitely SHOULD tell her. Relationships are built on trust. Lies pretty much always come out eventually. At some point you would get drunk or upset or something and tell her - or someone else you know would do the same thing and tell her. She would be FURIOUS that you lied to her this entire time and never forgive you. Also, what if this girl you slept with had a disease and you gave it to your girlfriend? And what if she only found out from a doctor, and had to confront you with it? These things happen. Either you tell her the truth - immediately, up front and apologize profusely, or disaster is just waiting to happen.

You don't have the right to make the decision FOR your girlfriend of what she should do. SHE deserves to have all the facts and decide what she should do. That is what a relationship is all about - being fully honest with each other, trusting each other and being there for each other.

It's sort of odd that these people in your life are actively telling you to lie to protect yourself. It makes you wonder what THEY have been lying about to you, to protect themselves. People who advocate lying tend to be liars.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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