Is it really over?

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
She and I were together for 6 years...romantically involved with each other, best friends, and even co-workers for the first 3 years. We weren't married and didn't live together, but lived in the same small town, saw each other several times a week and spoke to each other several times a day for all six years. Never a day passed without us talking or seeing each other. We both work long hours (10-13 per day) and she is sort of career oriented. She never married and doesn't have children. We discussed marriage, but she always said she wasn't ready and I never pressured her either. We were completely open with each other and neither of us ever cheated or saw anyone else in those 6 years. We're both 38 years old. Last June she said she wanted to get in touch with herself...that she felt emotionally overwhelmed by everything (her job, her age, me, her aging parents, etc.) and that she wanted to just spend time with herself. I gave her space, and have only seen her maybe 5 times in the last year, and only about 20 minutes each time. I mailed her a greeting card once, called her about 6 times, and emailed her a time or two. I'm always the one initiating the contact. She's seeing a counselor, but hasn't really told me the exact reason for why we ended. She said the problem is with her, not me, but she also mentioned a few areas where I fell short in our relationship. She says she wants me to move on, that she can't deal with the guilt if she thinks I'm waiting for her. When I asked her if she was seeing someone, she said, "Yeah...myself." She's a stay-at-home type of person when she's not working and she said that she hasn't changed. she said she reads a lot, watches television, etc. I spoke to her about 20 days ago and she said NOT to call her...she feels smothered (even though I've only called 5 or 6 times in the last year), that she loves me and that she'll call me. I don't know what to do other than NOT CALL HER. I don't know if she's going through change-of-life stuff or what. I love her deeply and will patiently wait as long as it takes, but I really don't even know why we ended. It literally happened overnight. I've apologized for the areas where I fell short and let her know how much I care for her. It has been a year...should I accept that it is over? Advice
I think you should accept that it is over. A year is a long time for someone to find themself. If some change was going to happen, it would have happened by now.

This is a long shot, but she may have had an affair a year ago and was too embarrassed to tell you. She doesn't sound like the type to do that, but you never know.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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