Bored Unless Fighting
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now and we love each other a great deal. However, it seems that I have the issue of overreacting to everything he does. We can barely last two weeks without fighting about something, even if it's really little. Sometimes I think that it's me, that unless we're fighting I'm bored with the relationship. I know I love him very much, but sometimes I worry that if we don't fight as much as we do I'd be bored. How do I get over my overreacting to little things? I know that 70% of all the fights we have are because I'm overreacting. Another thing is that about two months into our relationship my boyfriend started "overanalyzing" which is were he takes a thought and twists it so much that his brain makes him believe something else. For example, if he said that he missed me his brain would twist it so much until it made it seem like he didn't actually miss me. Until recently, we realized it was called "obsessive thoughts" but now because of them he won't talk to me anymore. I always try to get him to open up and tell me what's bothering him, but he always says the same thing, "it's the same thing, talking about it would just make it worse." So please help! I love him, I do and I just want to make things work.
First look back to your family. Were there a lot of fights going on? If so, that is where you got your habit. In any case, start work on building your character so that you don't engage in petty fights.
Also, when he says "it's the same thing," make sure you know exactly what he means. You can't read his mind, so help him explain his feelings to you by telling him that you are confused by his statements about making it worse because it is NOT talking about things that make things worse.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com