She's Jealous and wants to make Me Jealous

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
My girlfriend and I have been going steady for 3 months now. Im afraid she might be cheating on me. Almost all her freinds are guys except she has 3 girlfriends. She has this one freind whos a guy who she talks to alot on her phone but she says that he just has a crush on her and she doesnt want to hurt his feelings ...should i be getting in a twist about this guy?

After 2 Months into the relationship I had to go home early one day for the weekend because it was my mothers Birthday. And she got upset ofcourse because i was leaving. But the next weekend when i came back over i found something on accident from her Journal, She entered in it That she Made plans to go to the drive in movies with her ex boyfreind of a year and a half. And when i brought it up to her she told me she never went and that she had to test herself to see if she was really in love with me and all this other stuff. And fed me the whole I love only you thing. But She even told me that she has cheated on previous boyfreinds with her ex. And her ex boyfriend is 20 and shes 16 and im 17.

I think the reason she likes him is because he has a car and he can take her places and stuff. I dont have a car. And im just scared that if she gets upset she might cheat on me. We live about an hour and a half away so Im not around all the time But i really love her. Everytime i have to leave she gets upset. And last time she started texting her other guy freind Jason who ive never met to see if he wanted to "do something tonight" even though she didnt do anything with him or even see him.

I think she was just doing it to try and make me upset because she wanted me to stay. IS THIS HEALTHY??? i think im losing my mind please help me. Advice
OK, this girl is definitely way over the edge in the jealousy department. First off, she's upset because you went a bit early for your mom's birthday?? Most girls would be THRILLED that their boyfriend cares for his mom because it means in general that he is compassionate and caring for females. Most girls are upset that guys FORGET birthdays and don't care about them, not that they actually care about them.

So all of these foolish things she's doing to try to get you to pay more attention to her instead dof your normal life obligations are pretty extreme. You live far away. That's one of those facts of life. Yes, she'll miss you when you're gone, but you can call or email or text message. For her to demand that you be "In Her Presence" 24x7 is a bit much.

And because SHE has this huge jealousy in her, she then tries to enrage it in you as a way of getting your attention. She uses her ex boyfriend, she uses other male friends. It is *normal* to have male friends, and healthy. But it is NOT normal to use them as a way of antagonizing your boyfriend, or as a way to make him jealous. That is extremely counterproductive.

A relationship should always be about two people who support and care for each other. It sounds like she's almost using you to have a 'guy in her life' and if you leave her alone for 5 minutes she's off to find another Guy in Her Life because she can't handle being alone. She always needs a guy around to prove she's worthwhile. That spells disaster in about 8 different ways. There's no way for that to end up in a happy relationship.

I would really suggest going to a couples therapist with her - I doubt she'd take kindly to you saying "You should talk to someone" but maybe if you said "We should talk with someone together to get over this jealousy issue" she would go thinking it was your problem. And when a third party started explaining to her what the issues were, maybe she would listen.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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