Should I give him more time or did I kind of scare him off?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
So about eight months ago, my ex broke up with me because he was graduating college and "moving far away" and I still have a year left. Turns out, none of the jobs he applied for far out of state accepted him and he ended up staying pretty close to home. We remained pretty good friends this whole time - but I've always made sure that he's the one to contact me first...I'll do it every now and then, but he's the one who usually initiates it. Anyway, now he has been accepted to the year-long Americorps program - he is moving to Missouri which isn't too far away from where we live.
Well, this whole summer (3 months), I've been out-of-state so I haven't seen him, but he has maintained contact this whole time. In fact, more so than usual - a text or online chat at least once a week - definitely more though. And he called me a few times which was definitely new. So I decided about a week ago to call and tell him I still have feelings for him and am willing to drive the 7 hours if he's willing to try a long distance relationship. He said he likes me but doesn't think he can do the distance thing. I told him that was fine and that I just needed to hear it from him. Also that I value our friendship and don't want it to be affected by this.
Later that night, he apparently talked to one of my friends about it, saying he felt bad for saying no and that if we were closer in distance or if he were still in school with me, things would be different. She also asked him about what would happen in a year and he agreed with her that in a year, if we both still have feelings for each other, and are headed in the same direction, he would like to start fresh.
Two days later we were both online and he did chat with me, but we've been online more since then and he doesn't message me first and I'm waiting for him to do it. Then a couple of nights ago, he drunk dialed me, we talked for a few minutes, he said he had to go, we hung up then he called me back 10 minutes later...we talked for a few minutes. Just casual conversation. But since I called him and asked him "the question" the one time chat and the drunk dial have been the only times he's contacted me. And I don't know if that's an open door for me to start talking to him like we did before - text or message him with a random funny story/inside joke - or if I should still wait until he initiates convos a couple more times before I start doing that kind of thing - the really good friend thing.
Also, is it possible I scared him off?? Or is he just giving me space?? I am moving on, I just don't know if I should start messaging him again as a friend or let him make the move first at least a couple more times.
My advice is to start messaging him again as a friend. You really have nothing to lose as long as you keep it low key.
See other guys too, you don't want to put all your eggs in one basket.
You should view this as a long shot for now.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com