Did I mess it up forever??
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Well i was dating this girl for 6 months. I really love her with all of my heart and I really thought we were meant to be. We were never really friends before we started dating. The way we met was that we worked together. We actually 1st hooked up at a company Christmas party. Ever since then we had strong feelings for one another. We would go out to dinner, watch movies, go to the gym, and just enjoy each others company. Our relationship had our ups and downs just like any relationship, but I really thought it would survive. I guess part of the reason why we aren't together is because I have a couple of issues that I need to work on. Some of these issues include I lie a lot, i don't know what I wanna do with my life, im having troubles with money, and I have a big jealousy issue. In a matter of fact I bet that if I didn't have such a huge jealousy issue we would still be together today. You see the reason why I got so jealous is because my ex still hangs out with her ex-b/f of 3 years a lot and I looked too much into that. I look and see how perfect they both must have been. I mean this guy is basically everything what she wants. He's smart, has his life together, her parents like him, has money, and he drives a mustang (she drives a mustang as well). Anyway because I would get so jealous or expect something is going down I would text one of my friends who happens to be a girl to keep my mind off of what is going on. Well one day when she was staying with me over the summer she started to read some of the texts that i sent. She noticed that I was being kind of flirty with the girl and she felt really sad and started to cry. I told her that i was sorry, I really didn't mean anything by it, and that I loved her. At first she said she didn't care anymore and she was done with the relationship. I begged and pleaded for her to stay and eventially she agreed to. i guess that was the beginning of the end. Anyway time went by and things did feel kind of strange. She didn't hang out as much anymore and she just seemed to be really distant. I just thought this was her way of getting over it and really didn't think much of it because we were still having sex. Anyway things started to get more and more worse and I asked her what she wanted. She told me that she didn't want a b/f and just wanted to do her own thing. I was ok with that because i already knew that was what she wanted. So I kept on trucking. Anyway on the last day that she was going to be in town for school she started to tell me that she wanted me to hook up with other girls and she wanted me to forget about her. I told her I didn't want to do anything like that because I was still madly in love with her. She kept denying the fact that I was still in love with her and she told me she didn't love me anymore. I for one dont believe she is telling the truth because I know it takes longer than that for someone to fall out of love with someone. Plus she did this thing before and we eventially got back together. However she tells me that this time is different. So I told her that I will not stop loving her but I will look for other girls. Also when she comes back to school I plan on trying to get her back. She again tried to convince me that I didn't love her, but she did say maybe there is a chance that we might start something back up, but not expect it to happen. that to me is a "maybe" and a maybe is all I need. Anyway she said she was leaving that night because she had work early in the morning. so she gave me a last kiss goodbye and she was on her way. Well when she left i started crying because I knew there was a good chance that we might be done for sure so i started drinking my tears away. I later decided to go out for a walk to clear my mind. I just so happened to walk past the place where she parks her car, which is where her ex was staying, and her car was there. Feeling confused, hurt, mad, and sad I expected the worst was going on like she decided to sleep with her ex before she went home. I called her and left some hurtful voicemails. I asked her "how the hell could she do this to me?" I called her a bitch and I said i couldn't believe I loved her. Also I told her that loving her was the worst mistake of my life. As time went by and my drunkness started to fade away I realized how horrible I was. I know she wouldn't do something like stay with her ex over night right after breaking up with me and she probably was in her apartment sleeping. I called and left another voicemail apologizing, telling her that I was sorry that i would think that she would do something like that. I tried to call her again but she didn't answer. An hour later she sent me a text saying she was at work. I asked her when she got back home and she said at 8. Then she said "I don't even want to talk to you. So leave me alone." I felt so bad because I obviously hurt her bad, like really bad. So i sent a text in reply saying "I know what i said was wrong and I really didnt mean what i said. I know what i said was horrible and I really couldn't believe i said that.I love you and I always will. You are the best thing to ever happen me and loving you is the best thing i've ever did." I said alot more stuff along those lines basically asking her to talk to me again.
Anyway so that is my story. I just basically want to know what i should do now. Should I call her so i could try to talk to her or should I let her contact me. Also do you think this relationship is over. I really dont know what to do. Please help!!!
sad and lonely
You did the right thing by apologizing to her and she should recognize that you are serious. Nothing really has changed, and you will have to continue to pursue her as time passes.
Don't give up on this. She doesn't really sound like she has given you up completely. She probably understands exactly how you feel and cares for you enough to consider it.
Contact her and repeat what you have already said. It will be good to let her know, in different words, how you feel.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com