A Pressing Issue
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Where to start...
It started back in high school. I was always the tough loner that always got into trouble... she was the kind, sweet, rich girl from the hills. We always went out, nearly every weekend. Needless to say... I started to fall for her. I finally got the courage to tell her, but her response was I suppose... expected. She was going out of town for college, and I was staying in town. She said that it wouldn't work out and that even still that she didn't know if she felt the same way... She was never able to give a straight answer, not until a few months later when she came back for vacation when she told me she was seeing someone... someone I knew, and someone that she ended up going to college with.
Needless to say, I was crushed. I did the only thing I was ever good at... I ran away. Not literally, but figuratively. I shut her out, I deleted her number, email, I wanted nothing to do with her. It was the only way I could cope with my pain.
Flashing a few years later, we ended up speaking again, at this time, she had another boyfriend, someone I didn't know, but at the time I had already suppressed my feelings for her. Sometime around this time, I also met another girl that I started to date, but in the back of my mind, I wasn't happy. Every time I spoke to her (the original girl) it was just friendly, nothing more. I hoped to keep it that way as to prevent another heartbreak. Eventually, I drifted from her and continued on. I even moved away from home for college myself.
Skipping to recently... We sometimes would talk, usually hi and bye kind of stuff, but... but this time, it was different. She started to open up to me, I always told her that if she ever needed to talk, that I was always there, a gesture of my friendliness... but I never imagined she would. She opened up to me many things... things that I never cared to know... and at that split moment... I was crushed again. I realized that I still cared for her... nearly 5 years after the fact.
Now... she wants to come visit me. I haven't the slightest idea as to why. She knows how I felt for her. She knows that we shared a history, slim and innocent, with kisses being the most, and I'm pretty sure that she knows how I may potentially feel. She's constantly sending me texts, calls me randomly, and we speak for hours. Our texts will span from early morning one day, to early morning the next day. Some are innocent, some are hurtful... and some are strange... strange in the sense with the things she says to me... things that someone says to someone else when they're into them. She also constantly likes to ask and comment about my previous relationships, though I never tell her, even though she's told me about hers.
I'm both confused and afraid. I'm afraid that when she comes that I'll fall in love with her again, I'm also confused as to why she says the things she says. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she considers me a close friend... but I don't want anymore friends. I want her. Yet on the other hand, I don't want to have my heart broken by the same girl twice. She likes to say things like "I wish you were here" all the time, and even makes sexual comments directed at me.
I'm dead afraid... She's the only thing in the entire world that can hurt me. If anyone has any advice... I could really use it... I'm at a loss of options now.
If you try to avoid hurt so much, it will get you in the end.
To live you must be willing to be hurt or you are just a ghost... not real flesh and bones, heart and soul.
Be honest with her, completely. Ask her how she feels about you. Tell her you are confused and afraid.
You don't want to wonder about this for a long time to come. If you have to be hurt again, at least you are facing it squarely and it won't hurt so much now as later.
Flash forward a year or two... where do you want to be?
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com