of shame and comfort
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
alriht so I'm pretty new to the dating scene but my girlfriend isnt. So because of this I always feel a bit awkward in situations in which she wants me to do something. it just feels like its going so fast and I just feel so uncormfortable because of it.
also she says that she dosnt want to have sex for a while for which I am a bit glad. I have this sort of mixed image in my head about sex, one being this beautiful magnificiant act of of love and the other as this barbaric low brow act. because of this I just feel naturally ashamed of my my thoughts sometimes. I just feel this sense of shame come over me whenever I kiss her think of where it all might lead. I've just become s stressed by it that I'm probly not acting like myself. please help me be able to breath without having my chest feel heavy with shame.
Whole books have been written about this subject.
The concept is often call the "Virgin/Whore Complex." Typically the male is torn between desire for what you call "the beautiful magnificent act of love" and on the other hand a fear/dislike of "the barbaric low brow act."
Very often the male applies these standards to the women he is attracted to. You seem to apply these standards to yourself instead.
Take the following test. I haven't taken it myself but the questions are interesting:
It is important that you realize that sex itself is neither "dirty" or "clean." What counts are the feelings between the people involved.
Discuss this with your girlfriend in an open, caring conversation. The more you share your feelings the less conflicted you will feel about this.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com