I'm Jealous of Another Woman
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and I recently got back together after a 6 month break up. During the break up, he made friends with a younger divorced mother of 3 who is VERY immature. They spent all their time together, even spent the night at his house for days at a time. They would get drunk together, and they know everything about each other and although they both say, they were interested in each other, a relationship didn't start, other than, they (she) claims that they were as close as 2 people can get without having sex.
When we were working things out, and starting to see each other again, I knew about her, and had a little problem with it, but also knew that jealousy wouldn't get me any where, so I tolerated her and her immature behavior.
When I moved back in with him, he told her she would have to respect me and our relationship, and asked her to back off, to not call all the time and when she was around, not to hang on him and sit in his lap, and hug and kiss him any more.
She reacted more like a hurt, jilted girlfriend rather than understanding and respecting our relatinship. She calls and cries about missing him and wishing it were like it used to be, and tells me she loves him and knows they will get close again one of these days, and is always telling me things to upset me. I don't let her know it upsets me, but I discuss it with my boyfriend, and it's gotten to where I get mad at him when she calls. He's getting to where he's starting to defend her and her words, saying she just misses what they had (as friends), and even told her the other day that he misses her.
I hate that I'm jealous like this, but I think they've both given me reason to be, or at least to suspect something. There's really so much more to this, but I realize this is a "question" page, and should be short ...
What should I do about this. I feel I'm not out of line feeling the way I do, but I don't know what to do.
RomanceClass.com Advice
Normally I would tell people not to be jealous - but this girl has gone way over the line. The guy is taken, by you. She is being actively disruptive. That is NOT the act of a friend nor is it right. Your boyfriend should not be defending her - it doesn't matter WHY she's being disruptive. Of course she misses him! She's an ex. That's what exs do. It is his job as a partner in a relationship to NOT encourage her. Right now he is making things worse by giving her the sense that she COULD get him back if she just pushes hard enough. So she's never going to move on with her life, as long as he keeps coddling her. And he's not going to dedicate himself firmly to you if he's splitting his affections between two women.
This other woman needs to go on a leave. If she can't be a respectful friend, then she is going to be cut off. She needs to go find herself a SINGLE guy to date. -- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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