I donít know how much longer I can do this
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Iíve been in this situation for almost 1 year now with little to no progressÖ and Iím running out of hope. I came across you guys recently and I think you just might be able to help me out of this.
I am in deeply in love with a girl in my high school. We met in a class and got to know each other during a group assignment about half way through the term. At the time she was a little withdrawn and was in a bit of a depression phase, which seems to have passed about 8 months ago. We got talking once and had a really nice conversation. I learnt quite a bit about her. We were on good terms but then things slowed down at the end of that assignment, but then started up another great chat or two in another class. Then the term ended. And we had no contact over the holidays (she went to a drama school). When the next term started up again the problem Iím in now started. We didnít have any of the same classes, and she always, always hung out with her own little group always in the same spot. The biggest social problem I have is communication in poor atmosphere or circumstance. I have always been an incredibly shy person, and I am usually Mr. Quiet, keeping to myself unless I have something worth saying. In our classes I had a good atmosphere to talk to her and plenty to say or ask her about. (This particular assignment meant we had plenty of group consultation time) But in the company of those friends of heres it was different. I put off a week to see if we had any classes together, we didnít. I asked my friends about how to go about it, noting that I was strongly considering asking her out on a date. They said to go for it when she had friends with her, claiming that way she wouldnít feel Ďoutnumberedí. Even with my inexperience I knew that was a bad idea. I had to put off 2 more weeks waiting for her friends to leave her alone. In the end my only window of opportunity was when it was down to one friend. I walk passed casually and said Ďhií. From her first response I knew I was doomed: Ďuh, hi?í I asked about her holidays, she said she went to drama school (I already knew this and she knew that I knew) I asked how it was, she said fine, I asked what sheíd learnt, she said sheíd learnt to be a better actress. I asked if there was anything else, she said no. After a second of pause I told her that it was good to see her again and left. After I was out of her line of sight I stopped and asked myself what had just happened. For the next 10 minutes I was shaking. During the whole of that damn stunt she wasnít being bitchy or anything like that. she was embarrassed, her friend sitting there with her gob hanging open looking at me the whole time didnít help either. I havenít spoken to her since and I have been thinking about it ever since. Also since then the situation has been in a perpetual stalemate. The only encounters weíve had are when we have accidentally crossed paths between classes or lunch breaks, and every time we look away nervously once we notice each other. Although I havenít told her, I have forgiven her about the pain she caused me, but I havenít fully forgiven myself and especially not forgotten for the embarrassment I caused her, the fact I havenít told her that and that I havenít been able to salvage the situation.
Now it has been a while, but I still have very strong feelings for her. Every time I consider someone else, I feel as if Iím betraying her, and over time I have realised that there is no substitute. I believe she knows I still remember her, because she always sits in the same place, in front of an important staircase, I always have to take the alternate route, and every time I do, I check if sees there and she usually looks back at me. Also, that friend of hers gives me dirty looks all time. Writing this, I have realised that it may sound like Iím getting worked up about only a very slight hint of a relationship. But she is a really wonderful person, and what I had managed to learn about her has lead me to believe that she is just the right person for me. Every time I see her happy, I feel happy, and every time I see her upset I worry, and every time I see that look on her face when she notices me I feel sick with fear that I have done something wrong. I feel for the benefit of the answer to this call for help I should tell you of the social shame I am in. 1. I havenít hade my first kiss yet and due to my moral code and my situation thatís not likely to change
2. I havenít gone a date (or even a Ďnot-a-dateí) 3. I have only ever asked a girl out once, and I was shot down after waiting 4 days for a reply.
5. Until recently my parents maintained strict limitations to my activities (usually to within our suburban property) 6. I have limited circle of friends, and I have only every been to the house of one friend (my best friend) 7. Most of my friends a descended into bad habits although I have managed to steer clear of this. 8.I often bumble my words when I talk to a love interest, although I do realise this is quite common, it still doesnít help the situation. 9. Even to my own friends Iím an outcast who. 10. I have never been or invited to a party (birthdays and the like yes, high school flavoured parties, no) 11. I find it extremely difficult to approach new people I have no affiliation with. 12. I donít command much respect in the self-declared Ďcool kidsí (this doesnít affect me much at all though) On the plus side: 13. I have high ambition for the future regarding my career. 14. I have a fine taste in the arts, and so does my love-interest.
15. I posses a heightened level of maturity. 16. I would put my love-interest before myself and love her unconditionally. 17. I wouldnít dump her in favour of some Ďhot assí. Sheís beautiful to me
I must apologise for this long post, but I had too much to say. Tell me how I can break my restraints and get through to her before it is too late.
The thing I fear the most in this life is living it alone. For too long this has made me feel incomplete. Please help me, my hopes are fading fast.
Ask your parents if you can have a party for your friends. If they are unenthusiastic about it tell them you need to expand your social experience because you are struggling with it now. They may not understand since part of your problem is how restrictive they were toward you growing up. Think in advance about how the party would go, how many people you would invite (your parents are sure to ask). Ask your friends to bring their girlfriends. Don't expect TOO much from this party... sometimes the first one is not easy.
Look around at the popular guys. Dress like them, get new clothes if necessary, nice shoes too if that is what they wear. Doing this will make you feel better and people will be more friendly to you.
Finally, find out what after school activities your love interest takes part in. Probably drama... find the director and ask how you can help out... building sets, painting, moving things. This will get you closer to her.
Remember it took years for you to become so shy... you are doing well (for example talking with her in the hall was excellent). Look up her telephone number and try calling and asking her to the party.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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